It's Okay

Chapter 8

I took the advice Izumi gave me and thought about it a lot. And I tried to not think logical about this. She was right. But I just couldn't help it. Didn't I like Shimizu? Did I even like her? Have I even ever been in love with a girl before or was it just to trick myself? I should ask some more people

And as I thought that I could hear my phone ring. It was nearly midnight and I was laying in bed. Who the fuck called this late? Oh, of course it was him, who else could it be

T: "Yuu! I was worried sick! You just disappeared after school and I couldn't call you and your parents said you didn't get home! WTF bro?!"

N: "Woa calm down! I've just been hanging out in a cafe. Hey uhm do you mind if I come over? Like now? I mean it's okay if not because it's literally night but I've just been thinking and can't find any answer."

T: "Yea sure, I can't sleep anyway."

I knew it was al lie. He would fall asleep as soon as his head touches his pillow. He just said that to be there for me. Couldn't have any better bro. So i got up and tried to stay quiet. My parents didn't care at all if i went out at night, especially since they knew I went to Ryu. As I got to his house obviously I didn't ring the bell but used the key. I didn't want to wake up my favorite sister. Even though she probably was drunk anyway.

T: "Hey bro. You good?"

N: "Yea...kinda...not really. I'm just so confused. And my mind is going crazy."

T: "Woah calm down! I'll get you some cold water."

N: "Thanks. Actually can we go out? I don't know it's just so much more peaceful at night."

T: "Fine by me." As we tried to stay as quiet as possible we went outside and took a walk.

N: "What do you feel about Shimizu? I mean you love her, but how do you know?"

T: "Oh well I don't know, I just know. I want to spend the rest of my life with her!"

N: "But I want to spend my life with you too, so how do I know when it's love or not?"

T: "I don't know. As i said i just know. My heart tells me. I wanna be in a relationship with her, kiss her, cuddle but not in a platonic but romantic way."
N: "But how?? How can I know what's romantic and what's platonic? How do you even know you like girls at all?!"

T: "What?"

Fuck.

N: "Forget it, I'll go home now. Thank you for your help bro"

After the words left my mouth I already walked away as fast as possible. Did i just say that out loud? I'm not even inside the closet yet and already fail!

As I got to my home I went inside without even turning back once. Then I walked right to my room and as soon as I close the door tears already went down my cheeks. Fuck, what do I do if he took it serious?

I couldn't sleep the entire night. I was always thinking about love and what I just accidentally said to Ryu. What if I actually like dudes? Would that change everything? I know that Ryu is supportive, because we are always talking about how Saeko is in the closet. WAIT! OMG I should talk to her!

The next day I went to school and saw Ryu, we acted as if nothing happened. Then after school I knew he would go to practice and took that chance to maybe see Saeko. So I went to their home and as I opened the door if anyone was home. They told me I could come in anytime, even if none of them were home. And they actually meant it, not like this being polite thing. So I did come in now and heard her shout back from the kitchen that Ryu was still at practice.

N: "I know! Actually I wanted to talk to you!"

S: "To me? Aww my 2. little bro is visiting me? To ask advice? But first come here and tell me hi!"

As I did that I told her not to tell Ryu what I was gonna talk about. She seemed serious because she knew I'd tell him ANTYTHING. I didn't have a clue how to start the conversation. Do you like girls by any chance? Are you gay? Can you tell me if I'm gay too? Damn that was such a dumb idea, she didn't even come out and i was gonna ask her about it. Was that even okay?

N: "So uhm...You I... "

S: "Must be serious if even you stop talking! Haha"

N: "How do I know if I like someone?"

S: "Well I can't tell you how you would feel but i can tell you about how it is for me. So when i like someone I feel comfortable around them, but not only that, I also want to cuddle and all that. And yea I cuddle with you and Ryu too, but that's in a platonic way"

N: "How do I know what's the platonic way"

S: "Would you call them bro? Or let's put it that way. Would you kiss Ruy? Not as a joke! It's like- Your souls are connected, just like Ryus and yours. But you know that Ryu is platonic, just as you know that Daichi oder someone is platonic. So if you think of a special person, are they the same category as your team or Ryu? Or is it romantic? I don't know how else to explain it"

N: "Hmm...thanks. But..." I should do it, i can trust her! "what if it's a boy?"

S: "Hell no, I can't help you with boy problems! Ask someone that actually likes boys!"

N: "Wait but-"

S: "Lesbian!! How much more obvious do I have to be??"

N: "No but since when are you out the closet?"

S: "I've never been in there!! If anyone asked me I'd tell them I just dont see the need to come out. I'm not hiding it. Okay but seriously what difference does it make if it's a guy?"

N: "But I always thought I liked girls. And I'm kinda sure I do! So how-?"

S: "You do know that you can like both right? Seriously you're sometimes really slow!"

I was actually so thankful for all this. For every advice I got yet. Right, why didn't i think of that? Just both? But I wasn't sure. But I think I might actually like him?