It's Okay

Chapter 7

School went by like every other day. I didn't really pay attention to the teacher but that was normal. But I gotta admit that having no concentration at all for the last few days non stop is not cool.

As the bell rang I went outside the door, just like everyone else. I didn't know what to do the whole day. I didn't want to go home. I don't know why, I just didn't. So I decided to go to a river nearby. It was not that crowded since it was Monday but it was afternoon so there were a few people. I didn't know what to do.

Before I could even sit down, my phone Rang. It was an account I didn't know. I debate whether I should answer or not but ended up answering.

N: "Hello? Who is there?"

Unknown: "Oh hello! My name is Izumi. You texted me yesterday? About the figuring out yourself thing? I'm sorry if I'm mistaken."

N: "Oh that thing! Yes that was me. I'm sorry I comepletely forgot, probably because I was so tired last night when I texted you."

I: "Oh don't worry dear. So you asked me to help you? Or did I understand it wrong?"

N: "No no, that's right. I actually was wondering if you could answer some of my questions. I am litterally so confused lately and- idk it's complicated."

I: "If you'd like we could meet for a coffee. And if you feel unsafe because you don't know me you could bring a friend or something, but we'd meet in a public Cafe anyway"

N: "Actually that's a great idea! Where and when do we meet then?"

I: "I saw on your Insta that you live pretty nearby to me. So how about the ()café? Today if you could?"

N: "Yea that's great. I could actually come even right now it's not far from where I am"

I: "That's good, then I'll be there in about 10 minutes. See ya!"

N: "yes see you!"

The Café was actually nearly right next to the river I was at. So I started walking and I took about 5 minutes to get there. Should I wait outside or go inside?

I was glad that before I could finish my thoughts someone interrupted them to say hi to me.

I: "Nishinoya right? I'm Izumi."

N: "Oh hey! Should we go inside?"

She nodded and we both went inside. As we sat down the waiter already came to us to take our order. She said she wanted a hot chocolate ad I had to think a moment but then decided to just take a coffee. Then the waiter left.

Before I asked the big questions I decided to start with a little smalltalk. "So you are living somewhere near? Do you go to school?"

I: "Actually I am going to college. Finished school last year. What about you?"

N: "I am going to the Karasuno high school
I am in their volleyball team actually. Do you play too?"

I: "I used to play when I was in school. I was in a club too. But then I just kinda didn't try to find a new team when I left school. But I'd play sometimes with my friends!"

N: "That's great! We already have the same hobby! What else do you like to do?"

I: "Well I guess I like to help people. So ever since I can say I found myself I am trying to help others to find themselves too. "

N: "Wow that's no nice!"

As I realized the Smalltalk turned into me interviewing her luckily the waiter came back with our drinks. So then we first both started drinking and i gotta admit the coffee here is really good. I should come back some time.

I: "So... you wanted to ask me some questions? Or should I start with saying how i found out for myself?" she asked with a very sweet smile. "So I think it has always been a part of me, I just didn't know. So I liked girls more than boys and made myself think into having crushes on boys, I just kinda thought they were picking guys that looked cool to be their crush. And then I met some people and there was this one girl. And she was very open about her sexuality. She always told me I was one of them, because I was fixating a little too much on a girl at that time. So then I finally started questioning myself. And as I did I found out I had this huge crush on that girl."

N: "Wait, so you never questioned before if you were not straight?"

I: "No, I mean why would I? Everyone assumed automatically I was straight so I did too. Plus from where I come from gay people are treated different. No really discriminated, but it's not in people's mind that it's actually normal and not only okay."

N: "Yea You do have a point. I actually think I thought like that too. I mean that beig gay is okay but not normal. And I never want to discriminate anyone! It's just hard to change your mind over something"

I: "Yea i get that, I took a while to change my mindset too. And it was not before I entered the community. So don't worry."

N: "But... How can I figure out if I like him or just as a friend? I mean I never thought of him that way, so I can't be in love with him right? Like I never imagined kissing him but now that I started thinking about it those pictures appear in my head. But they haven't been there before, so I have to be straight right?"

I: "Actually I think that's completely normal. That you didn't imagine kissing him because you thought he was just a friend. Because you tricked your mind into thinking that. And now that you think about it those pictures appear automatically, no matter if you're straight or no. So don't try to think logical about this, because love is not. So this way you won't find any answer."

N: "That makes sense. But how do I find out?"

I: "I don't know. I guess you just have to follow your heart, now that you know it's possible maybe it will lead the way on it's own. You know what, why don't you tell me about him?"

N: "Well, he's a volleyball player in our team. He's actually the ace. And if you look at him you'd assume he's a real tough guy, maybe even criminal. But in reality he's so sweet and honestly such a big baby. He's pretty sensitive. That's also why he left the team Then we got into a huge fight and I got suspended from practice. And ever since I am only feeling horrible and trying to find out the reason. Is it just because I miss volleyball, or do I miss him? I mean both but- I don't know"

I: "Woah, sounds like you're really close. I mean it could still be friendship but also love. But I'm not the person to tell, only your heart can tell. I guess you'll just have to think about it, and trust me you'll think about it A LOT. Don't expect to find an answer any time soon okay?"

This talk was actually pretty helpful for me. And as we continued talking about Asahi and also her girlfriend time went by so fast that it was nearly dark outside. So we decided to both go home but keep in touch if I have any news.