It's Okay

Chapter 17

Please

"Why would we end up hating you? I will love and support you no matter what. Why would you being gay change anything about that?"

Thank god. I felt like a huge stone fell off of my chest. After the comments I've seen I was scared of his reaction.

We continued talking about everything that happened and it felt so good to tell anyone. every now and then a tear escaped my eye. I didn't know how long we talked, but it must have been hours.

And after that he convinced me to eat something. And go home tomorrow. To finally talk to Ryu. I couldn't keep ignoring him, I knew that. But I was scared. It was already to late to go home now. That means no school tomorrow either. I was honestly so frightened to go back to school. i didn't know how many people have seen this picture. Maybe Asahi saw it? What would he think of me now?

After eating i went to bed. I couldn't sleep, I was to scared of talking to anyone tomorrow. But I knew I had no other choice. I tried to figure out what i would say and created a thousand different scenarios in my head. I knew they would most likely never happen, but it helped me calm down and figure out what to say or do.

When it was time to get up I felt like throwing up. I was so scared that my stomach hurt. I forced down some food anyway. Not much, but i knew I would worry my grandpa if i didn't eat again.

After some time I walked to the bus station to get home. The entire time I felt sick and the feeling just got worse the closer I got to my home.

I didn't go home directly though. I instead walked to Ryus house. I owed him an apology. And an explanation. I hoped he would be home. So I took the keys and unlocked the door. As I walked inside i could already feel the people looking at me. There was some strange kind of tension in here.

"Yuu" Omg I was so worried about you!" Saeko came running towards me and hugging me tight. Meanwhile Ryu got up from the couch as well and run towards us. He also hugged me tight. I don't deserve you.

"Where have you been? You've been ignoring my messages and calls and didn't come to school without telling anyone. What happened??" Im sorry Ryu. I knew you were worried and still ignored you. I just had to explain everything. I owed him this.

"Woah calm down. let the man talk!" Saeko too. She was too good for tis world.

"Well so uhm I'm sorry I just ran away. I was safe, don't worry, I went to Pa. But... I owe you an explanation."

The tension in this room was killing me. As if I wasn't nervous enough. I was shaking on the whole way. So we decided to first sit down to get more comfortable. And then I tried my best to tell him the things I've practiced in my head a million times last night. But of course nothing came out how I wanted and i mixed everything.

"I run away from the party because of the kiss and the picture was online and everyone thinks im disgusting and I didn't want to avoid you and I-"

I realized how I just mixed everything together and didn't make clear what i wanted to say, so I stopped, took a deep breath and started all over again. Just like i did yesterday.

"I'm gay."

I took a small break to see if they would hate me, but they waited for me to continue, so i did.

"I just realized some time ago and i didn't tell you about it because i was not ready. And then I had to kiss you at the party and it made me uncomfortable because i thought if you knew about it you would be disgusted. That's why I avoided you after that."

He looked at me, trying to process my words. And when it finally got through to his brain he seemed confused.

R: "Why would I? I mean that ain't any different from me kissing a girl right?"

Now I was confused. Why was he so chill? I mean yea sure I kinda knew he would be supportive but this was still kinda strange to me.

Was everything now okay between us again? Back to normal? Wait no, that was impossible, the photo still existed and people would call him gay too.

N: "And then the picture was posted. I knew it was meant as a joke but since I actually am gay it felt not okay. So that's why I turned off my phone and ignored everyone."

R: "Oh, yea that makes sense! I'm sorry she posted this picture, i didn't know she took it. I immediately told her to delete it and she did, but that was after you turned off your phone"

Yes. He was a way to good person for me.

I didn't know what to answer so Saeko got into the talk again. "Oh also boys in case you didn't notice but I'm gay too."

We just all started laughing. Obviously we all knew. And we also knew she only said that to lighten the mood. And it worked. After that talking with each other was way easier.

We didn't talk about everything just yet, but about a lot. And i was glad I finally told him. I even told him about how i found out. And when we talked about Asahi I was sad. I may now know what I feel for him, but that doesn't change the fact he's ignoring me and probably never will play volleyball ever again.

After some while I decided to go home. I knew school was gonna be hard tomorrow. I wasn't ready to just come out to everyone, so i was gonna say the truth about the party and the game, but leave out the part that i was actually gay, just not for Ryu.