It's Okay

Chapter 14

After a while I calmed down enough to get back inside. I didn't know what to tell the others though. Why I left suddenly.

As I entered the room everyone looked at me and asked why I was gone so long. Saeko answered for me and told them some shit. I was so glad to have her.

Then Ryu stood in front of me. He also asked if I was okay. I didn't dare to look at him. So I just knocked it off and got the party to continue like nothing happened. I made a huge mistake and Ryu might end up hating me.

But I didn't know how bad that mistake actually was.

The rest of the party went on like nothing happened. Everyone laughed together. But I still didn't look at Ryu and tried not to talk to him. And then slowly the people either fell asleep or left.

It got more and more quiet. Until we were alone. Saeko was still here to help cleaning up. I didn't want to be alone with Ryu right now.

It took forever and I swear I was never that uncomfortable in this house.

And then I went away. Normally I would spend the night here but I didn't feel comfortable right now. But where could I go? Home? Hell no! My parents couldn't see me like this. Not with the alcohol and also not how stressed out I am. I just can not go there.

But where could I possibly go? Asahi? He's been ignoring me. I can't just show up at his place and ask to spend the night. I really had no idea who to go to. So I just decided to walk around. Maybe sit down at a bench.

I didn't consider the cold tonight. Fuck that was cold! And I only had a thin jacket. Maybe I should just run away? I mean sleeping outside is kinda half way. If I do run away would he care? Would he even notice? Probably not. We don't see each other at the moment and he's avoiding me. So how could he notice.

Then I got an idea. Were there still busses this late? I mean it was past midnight. I looked it up and even found a bus that still drove. So I took that one.

And after the way took forever I was finally at the doorway. I got inside and tried to stay as quiet as possible as I didn't want to wake up my grandpa.

I first wrote a little note that I was here and left it on the table, in case he woke up before me and then I went to my room in his house and went to bed. I had to get up to go to the toilet a few times though, to throw up. Luckily it was right next to my room.

Fuck this, I just want to die. I could die. I could just kill myself. If I left tonight and took back the note I left him, he wouldn't notice I was here. And I could go out in the woods to die.

Just a little more. I was so tired and the bed was so comfortable. I would just lie here a little longer and then get up and go outside. Just a little

Before I could even finish the thought I fell asleep. I only noticed when I woke up the next morning. How late was it? Pa was probably already up, it was pretty late. Normally I got up pretty early. But today I slept in. It was already afternoon.

Fuuuck. My head hurts so bad. And I felt like throwing up. I just wanted to lie here forever and go back to sleep. And never wake up again. But I knew I had to get up.

So I got up and went to the kitchen. Slowly. Very slowly. Damn I was feeling liek shit.

When I got there Pa was already up and greeted me with some hot coffee.

I just said "thanks" and sat down.

Of course he noticed.

"okay I get why you came here so late. I won't tell them, don't worry."

He made sure to not talk very loud.

We didn't do much the whole day. Didn't even exercise. I just lied down on the couch. I felt like shit.