It's Okay

Chapter 13

As the party went on I slowly started drinking. I didn't drink normally since I am underage. And I am a good child. I know I don't seem like one most of the time, but I don't do illegal stuff. Well I do drink SOMETIMES but every teen does! Also I am with a *responsible adult* (aka saeko Tanaka, the definitely NOT responsible adult)

At first I didn't really notice the alcohol but as time went on I could notice I was maybe a little tipsy.

While drinking a little we sat together and talked about whatever. Honestly I didn't really participate much in the talk, I just sat there and thought about everything.

I still wasn't sure about myself. Maybe it was the alcohol but I felt ready to tell Ryu about my thoughts.

How bad I wanted to tell him. But I had to wait because of the party. I would tell him right after.

As someone got the brilliant idea to play drinking games everyone cheered. I thought it was a fun idea too. And I wasn't wrong, it was fun. But this was also the beginning of the end for me.

At first we played truth or dare. It was pretty boring though, because everyone only dared to prank call someone or something like that. So we decided to switch the game to spin the bottle.

Oh how lucky I was.

I had to kiss a girl from Ryus class. She was kind of shy so at first she didn't want to, but as everyone wanted her to do it she did. Of course I told her she didn't have to but she still kissed me. Everyone screamed and then moved on.

This time.

A few people had to kiss each other. And it got kind of boring too. So I went to the toilet. I didn't have to use it, I just wanted to clear my head for a second. Everything was so loud.

I looked towards my wrist. Should I...

But before I could even decide I heard a knock.

R: "you okay there bro?"

Y: "yea don't worry, I'm fine." so I went outside again. As I went back to the others Ryu went to the toilet.

And we continued playing. The bottle pointed towards me again. And just as we wanted to see who I had to kiss the bottle pointed towards the door, that Ryu came through just this second.

One girl said "guess we have to spin again"

But another one told her "rules are rules" with a weird grin on her face.

I immediately panicked. It was my best bro I had to kiss. Sure. But maybe I was gay. So wouldn't that make it weird? And if he found out after would he hate me?

I had to tell him now. I couldn't kiss him. Help me, someone! What do I do??

R: "Come on bro it's just a kiss"

He was right. Just a kiss...

No need to panic. It was the same as with the girl before, right?

I leaned in for the kiss and our lips touched for about a second before we pulled away.

It was over. Now moving on.

Y: "hey let's-"

No one listened to me. They all only talked about how cute that was.

R: "yea yea whatever. Can we change the game now it's getting boring"

Thaks Ryu. He probably noticed how uncomfortable I suddenly felt, because he looked at me worried. But I didn't know what to say. I was kind of embarrassed.

Y: "imma get outside for a minute" and with that I left immediately. No time for the others to react. I didn't care. I just felt like I had to run away.

Ad I closed the door behind me I took a deep breath. "fuck" I think there was my answer. It didn't feel any different.

I was gay.

I was in love with Asahi.

Everything would change now.

What do I do now? Fuck fuck fuck!
This can't be happening. I couldn't be gay. Would anyone support me? Would Ryu hate me now? I did kiss him! Would my parents hate me? Would the school hate me? Would I get kicked out of thf team?

My breathing started to fasten up. My vision got blurry. I couldn't think anything, but at the same time all the thoughts and worries came all at once. What is happening? Is this a panic attack? Fuck! Help me! Someone...

Suddenly I could feel a hand on my shoulder. What? I couldn't even realize who it was. Everything was so weird and I couldn't organize my thoughts or even my senses.

But that person tried to calm me down. Breathing with me. So mine slowly calmed down. They took my hand to show me I'm not alone.

"are you feeling better now?"

Y: "yea... Thanks saeko"

S: "do you want to talk about it?"

Y: "not really..."

S: "do you want me to stay or leave?"

Y: "stay please."