Notes with a smile on it // dnf

Chapter 4: Unintended

TWs: Swearing 

_______________________________________________

Dream POV: (Different POV but same day)

I always felt horrible for what I said to George in that argument, I regret it immediately as I said it. My plan was to immediately apologize, but he kept on avoiding me. I tried to talk to him for weeks, it just never happened. He looked at me with so much hate every time I saw him. I felt I had lost him, so I let him be. I figured if he didn't want to see me, so why should I keep trying.

The day I was so hateful to him, was the anniversary of my moms death. It was already a horrible start to my day. Plus, ever since my mom died my dad was never the same. He couldn't hold a job and was always passed put drunk when I got home. Not to mention the fact that my dad is a huge homophobe as well. Some days I'd come and hear him screaming at a pride parade on the tv. It's very unpleasant to see.

Anyway, the morning of the fight I was already sad and pissed because my dad was drunk. Again. We ended in an argument then he said something to me about me not being a good enough son and etc. I was extremely annoyed. Then when I got to school, me and George got into some stupid argument and I just snapped. I was even surprised as to what I said and there was nothing I could do to take it back.

Now I know that this doesn't make an excuse for my behavior. After a couple days I realized how miserable my life was without him. This broke me for weeks. I had never hated George for anything, he'd did nothing wrong. I just hated myself for having such stupidity. After those weeks, I started to go to more parties and hooking up with random girls. I was either high or drunk almost every night.

I did this until about October, I still went to parties just less and I learned to control my drinking. I had decided that I needed some friends. Since George and Sapnap absolutely hated me. At one of the parties I went in the beginning of October, I had met Techno and Schlatt. We became friends quickly, maybe too quickly. They were kind of manipulative.

In grade 10 I was already fairly popular since I am the captain of the football team, but after becoming friends with Techno and Schlatt. I was the jock of the school, everyone new me. It wasn't that bad at first. But, after a month of hanging out with them. They started picking on people in the hall between classes.

 I started joining them too. At that time I was desperate for friends. I know I am Mr. Popular, but I missed having close friends. So, I did what they did. I somehow ended up the leader of our little trio, fighting people whenever I had the chance.

I definitely still had some sort of bottled up feelings and issues, then out of the blue. Techno and Schlatt starting picking on George. I told them that they couldn't physically harm him or I'd mess them up permanently. I had already caused him enough pain. They forced me to be there almost every time they'd pick on George as a result though. 

After George stopped talking to me, I changed a lot. I became the big scary jock who went to parties and hooked up with girls. I had a dad who was never there and was constantly drunk. As well as a dead mother.

 It was only a weeks ago that I finally realized that I fell into the wrong crowd.

________________

I woke up to the blaring sound of my alarm. I sat up and groaned as I checked the time.

It was 7 o'clock which meant that I had to leave in an hour. My plan was to meet Schlatt and Techno in the cafeteria before class.

I was ready in 15 minutes, I ran downstairs to see my dad passed out on the couch as usual. I didn't want to be there when he woke up, so I left almost instantly.