Stray kids 9th member

Another one

Y/n's pov
Im having one of those episodes again. There isn't really a proper term for it. It's just a time where I remember all the stuff I have shoved down, from my past of course. I've only had 3 since I've joined the group. 2 of them happened while we had time off so I didn't have to worry about anything and the last one I just pretended I was sick.

Normally they just last 2-3 days but it's been a week. An entire week since I've left my dorms. My episode started the day after my date with the boys. Ive made sure to respond to their texts and calls.

Everyone noticed. The even remote touch of someone or yelling sets me off into a panic attack. I haven't really eaten either but it's fine.

There is a knock on the door and after a moment it opens, jisung is standing there with 2 coffees and a bag full of stuff. He is smiling as usual. "I'm not here to hug you or anything. Just miss talking to you, I brought food and snacks. Can I sit?" he asks pointing to the floor. I nod and he closes the door and sits in front of my bed. He hands me one of the coffees and I thank him and he nods.

He hands me a container of panda Express and I smile. Panda Express is one of my favorite places to eat.

"The manager was talking about putting you on a hiatus.." Han blurts out and he then takes a bite of his food. Is he serious? If I go on a hiatus everything will be messes up. I don't want to go on a hiatus.. I think he can sense my panic because he shakes his head.
    "We told him no, don't worry. I just wanted to tell you, incase they ask if you want to"

We sit in silence for a moment before he has a certain look on his face. "Soo, how are your little boyfriends?? You never told me how the date went!"

I smile and take another bite of my food. I promised Jisung I would tell him everything that happened when I got home but he was asleep when I got back, it slipped my mind. "It was really nice.. We didn't really have any specific places in mind so we walked around and whenever we had an idea we would go. It may sound stupid but It was fun. We talked a lot and I learned a lot about them" I ramble on about the date.

Jisungs smile never leaves his face as he is asking me questions and gushing that everything is so cute. He likes to tease me but I think he is trying to be careful on what he says to me right now.

After a bit of small talk his face changes a bit and he looks a bit more serious. He let's out a nervous sigh and takes a bite from his food.

"Y/n.. Can I ask you something?" jisung questions looking away from me for a moment but looks back at me.

I look at him and sit there. I'm not sure what he is going to ask about and it's making me nervous. Jisung normally asks random questions but he never really looks this serious.

I nod and he looks surprised, he nods to and looks at the floor. "You don't have to awnser of course but u felt it was better to ask then ignore.. Whenever any of us have tried to touch you, you've panicked or blanked out.. You haven't left the dorm and haven't really talked to us. What's happening and how can we help. Is there anything we can do you help?"

I don't know if I should tell him the entire thing or just about the episodes. If I tell him why I have them, that's a lot of trauma.. I should just tell him about the episodes And if he asks I'll tell him.

" I have episodes where I have bad Ptsd flashbacks and my anxiety gets horrible and so does my depression. When I get touched most times it sends me into flashbacks and I-.. It's just a lot" I explain looking away from him. He doesn't say anything for a bit he just hums. 

It's silent for a moment until he starts to talk again "what do you have flashbacks of..? Once again you don't have to tell me" he asks.

"A lot of things.. It can be pretty triggering for others to hear at some points. Are you sure you want to know?" I ask him giving him a look. He sits there for a minute and eventually nods.