Stray kids 9th member

Telling a member

Y/n's pov
When youre in the closet it really sucks Cause all the boys in school talks about the cute girls which I do pay attention to some times only as friend though.I just want to be able to talk about anyone I'm attracted to.I can't hang out with the girls in school cause it will make scandals but when I hang out with the guys all they really talk about is girls.Obviously I should be focusing on school and being and idol but there will always be a part of me that worries if I get outed that it will badly affect the team.

Leo hyung is the only person who really knows about it and the only reason he knows is because he was the person who made realize I was gay. Maybe I should  tell the hyungs but what if they feel weird around me? They show support to the LGBTQ community often... maybe I'm just over thinking everything and stay in the closet. Eh.... Why is this so difficult to decide what to do. I know I can trust them but what if they accidentally tell someone.

"Bubba are you okay? You seem a bit..off today" Felix hyung questions looking at me. I just nod at him and frowns.

He wants to question more but I don't think he really wants to push it."Will you tell me if something is bothering you?" I nod at him once again and he sighs. He leans on me and smiles.I know he can tell something is going on but be probably doesn't want to pressure me into telling him.

"I'm gonna go to sleep... Don't stay up to long kay?"Felix says patting my head. Felix climbs up unto his bed and I lay down on my back. Maybe I should go on a walk? That's dangerous right now..i could make some tea? We don't even have tea.. We have a shit load of coffee but we have no tea. We don't have much food in general, the hyungs usually just order take-out instead of cooking.

I get off of my bed and I walk into the livingroom where Chan is sitting on the couch. He's watching  a movie. a American movie I think.He notices me after a few seconds and he smiles. "Y/n it's almost 3 in the morning. Don't you have school tomorrow?" chan asks tilting his head a bit.

I shake my head no. Luckily I don't. "They  announced we are switching  to online school yesterday" he makes an ohh noise and nods.

"Do you wanna watch this movie with me?" he asks. I nod and sit on the couch Next to him. He offers me chips but I decline. I have to watch what I eat. Even though I'm kinda underweight I still have to be a little carefull.

Sitting in silence is normal with me and Chan. Our conversations are always short and honestly we are a bit awkward together. I trust him as a person we just haven't really bonded over anything.

"You have been off lately... A lot of us have noticed it. I just want to make sure your okay." Chan says as he continues to look at the tv.I shift a little bit and look away from the tv. Me and Chan aren't super close. There's not really a reason I just haven't been able to connect on anything.I can relate to a lot of the members on a lot of things but I haven't talked to him enough to really connect on something. Maybe I should tell him...

I know he won't really care but what if he ends up being uncomfortable around me? Eh worst comes to worst he takes it bad.  "So I wanna tell you something that I haven't really told many people but I feel bad that none of you know.." he turns his body towards me and smiles.

I sigh before looking down, I'm tense and I know I'm tense. This will be fine.. Everything will be fine."So im gay..i know I should have told you earlier but I just wanted to tell someone in the group so I don't feel bad for keeping secrets" I say as I feel tears prick my eyes. A lot of people don't get emotional when coming out but this is just a step I didn't think I was going to take.

Living in a conservative country Is hard especially for people in the Lgbtq community and I didn't think I was going to tell anyone else..  I feel Chan pat my head and he hugs me. "Y/n do you think any of us really care  about that? Your y/n and nothing can change that. It was probably hard for you to tell me but I'm happy you did." I feel tears slowly fall from my eyes as chan just hugs me. I did it. I really told someone!I did it. This was a really big step for me and i hope I can have enough courage to tell the rest of my members. I'm genuinely proud of myself. This was a really good night...