Get ready for depressing shit ;)
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Y/n's pov
Mom is calling, that's normal of course. She is my mom, she calls literally all of the time. Normally she calls in the morning but not usually at 2 pm when I'm usually at practice.
"hello?"
"Y/n, where are you right now?" I hear my mom say from my phone. Why does she sounds so.. Off?
"I'm at the dorm right now, why? What's wrong?"! I ask putting my bowl down in the sink.
I hear her lightly sigh "y/n.. Are any of your members home with you right now?"
Why Is she asking me this?? What is going on "yeah. Most of us are home right now"
"You should probably go to one of them.." why would I need to go to one of my members? My mom barely even mentions my members.
I hear light talking between my mom and dad before my mom tells me that I should probably sit down. "Maxwell..." she mumbles out over the phone.
"What about him?" I ask confused. Why is she bringing up Maxwell? Maxwell is one of my friends from foster care. He was one of the few that I kept up with. I haven't talked to him much since I debuted but he is like my brother. He is family, always will be. Z
"Y/n.. Maxwell's wife called me a few minutes ago.. Maxwell.. Passed away"
Maxwell Passed away..? No. No he didn't. Maxwell was fine the last time I talked to him! He was happy and healthy. It's impossible. I mean if course it's possible but Maxwell is Maxwell. There is no way he is dead.
....
Oh my fucking god he is dead. How? How the hell did he die?!
"How..?" I mumble out trying to process what's happening. I give myself 5 minutes until I have a panic attack. Maybe 3 minutes if I'm unlucky.
"He was shot. A man tried to rob him and he refused to give up his money. When he didnt give it up the man shot him. I'm so so sorry son. Do you need me and your father to come and stay with you for awhile..?" she asks. She probably thinks I'm going to kill myself or harm myself. Tempting..
Maxwell was killed. Not only did he die, he was killed.Thats when my legs give out and I'm on the floor. I'm on the floor, in the kitchen. Probably about to have a mental breakdown. Isn't this how I love to spend my fucking Saturdays.
"Son?"
I let out a shaky breathe I didn't know I was holding in. "No. No I'm okay... I-..Ca-..can you call my manager and plan everything for me to visit the states for his funeral? Please" I practically whisper as I'm talking into my phone. If I speak any louder then this I might start crying
"Of course. I'll call him right now. You go and talk to your members"
I say a quick bye and I love you before I end the call. A few seconds after the call ends everything completely hits me. All of it. Maxwell. THE Maxwell is dead. The one who has helped me with so much shit is dead. The one who punched a cop in the face because he was being a bit to harsh to me. The one who would defend me even if I was in the wrong. He is dead. Simply gone. One second he was here and the next he wasn't.. Lucy. Oh Jesus, poor Lucy. She just lost her husband and his 2 kids just lost their father.
I can describe how I'm feeling in complete detail but honestly it's not worth it. I can go on and on about how I feel and how to cope but all I feel is numb. There is anger and there is sadness, regret, worry,sick. I feel all of those things right now but my brain has numbed it out from what is seems.
Am I crying? I think I'm crying.. Obviously I'm crying, I'm about to have a panic attack. On the kitchen floor.
Ive been sitting on the floor for a while. I'm not sure how long but long enough. My mind is a complete mess right now.Also Jeongin just walked in.
"Y/n?"
Jeongin looks like he doesn't really know what to do but he quickly walks over and pulls me into his embrace. When im panicking being touched either makes it worse or makes it better. In this case it helped.
I wrap my arms around him and his arms tightens around me. I can't even process what is going on around me, my mind is so fucking mixed up.. Maxwell is dead. He is dead. I can't talk to him anymore, I can't see him anymore, I can't do anything with him. I should have talked to him more. God why didn't I talk to him more?
I shove my face in jeongins chest trying to stop the lights from hitting my eyes.He smells really nice. I never really noticed how he smelled until now. Smell used to be a very important thing for me, the way people smelled comforted me until the.. Incident and I couldnt get his smell out of my head. I hated it. I hated most smells after that.
"-/n! Jeongin what the hell is happening" a sudden worried voice yells. God I hate yelling.. I feel jeongin shrug. I hug him tighter.
I hear loud conversations going on around me, I know it's my members trying to figure out what happens. I don't want to talk, I just want to cry. Or hit something, Maybe both.
"Everyone be quiet or get out. Your yelling could make everything worse. We can't force him out of panic we just have to wait it out" jeongin states rubbing his hand on my back. Thank you..
Everyone goes silent. Thank god for silence, I have a headache now. It's been so long since someone important for me has died. I lost a friend 2 years ago but that's the most recent death. It was hard but not as hard as this.
When my old friend died I didn't properly grief. Instead I'd practice till I passed out and I barely ate. My parents didn't realize something was wrong until I ended up in the psych ward.
Exhausted. God I'm so fucking exhausted. I don't want to lose anyone else. I just want everyone and everything to stay the same. Just for a short time. So I can experience the small amount of normal everyone else has. Why can't I have that?
After sitting there for a few moments I realize how truly tired I am. Before I know it im asleep.
YOU ARE READING
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