it hurts

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*Trigger warning: mention of suicide*

The visit of Jung-hyun's grave haunts Jungkook's mind all week, thoughts of both him and his parents ghosting around, not giving him time to rest, even when he's driving.

Not seeing Taehyung to distracted himself isn't of great help either. The violinist had to accompany an excursion of the day care center, as it was part of their offer during national holidays. Jungkook had hoped to talk to him about their little ... experience or whatever you'd call what happened between them a few nights ago.

Part of him is afraid that he came off to strong, urging Taehyung into doing something he wasn't yet comfortable with. Jungkook has been wondering whether Taehyung regretted it, whether he actually enjoyed it, whether he still liked Jungkook, whether- at his point he always has to stop himself from falling into a downward spiral.

The thoughts have been nagging on him and so he is glad that they agreed for him to come by Taehyungs rented place after finishing his driving shift today now that he has returned for the excursion. It's almost 2 am when he does though, and his eyes feel heavy even when they fall upon the beautiful boy who opens the door for him.

"Well, someone looks tired." Taehyung jokes, letting Jungkook enter the apartment. Instead of an answer, Jungkook can only offer him a yawn, making Taehyung chuckle.

"You know where the bed is." Taehyung says while setting up some tea water.

"Will you join me?" Jungkook mumbles, dragging his feet towards the bedroom. But he is quick to make an adjustment to his question "I mean in sleeping next to me, not-"

"I know" Taehyung offers him an assuring smile. "I'll be with you in a bit."


When Taehyung enters the room with two steaming mugs in his hands, Jungkook is already laying under the covers. His head feels heavy and even though he has been longing for sleep all week, just like every night, he can't seem to wander off to dreamland so easily.

"Hey Taehyung? Will you play a song for me?"

Taehyung, who is just about to slide under the covers as well, halts. "Sure"

He is quick to return with violin and bow in his hand. Jungkook is waiting for the boy to ask him which song, but instead a familiar melody fills the room just seconds later. Like the last time, its tones are bittersweet, somehow stinging him in the chest but also soothing the pain just the same.

When the last note dies down, the silence between them seems louder than ever before.

"Jungkook?"

Taehyung's whisper breaks the quiet and Jungkook realizes that he has had his eyes closed for the last few minutes, probably looking as if he has fallen asleep.

"Yes?" He keeps his eyes shut.

"Are you alright?"

Jungkook can hear sheets rustle and feel the warmth of another body joining him under the covers. He clears his throat when he opens his eyes, wanting to answer but instead, a soft sniffle leaves his mouth, taking himself by surprise.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you with the song" Taehyung's hand reaches out and runs soft circles over Jungkook's cheek. "I'm sorry" he whispers again, not meeting Jungkook's eyes this time.

"No, it's not your fault." Jungkook assures, laying his hand on top of Taehyungs. They stay like this and for a while nobody speaks a word.

"Want to tell me about it?" Taehyung then asks cautiously, warmth in his eyes when he observes Jungkook's face.

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