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tw // vomiting, anxiety attack

elsie <3

the two days that i was actually meant to be at tom's ended a day short and we didn't get to film our vlog. we just recorded a video and played a bunch of switch games. until i got a facetime call from toby.

i answered the call all giggly and bubbly because of the laughing fit i had just had with tom, but toby was his usual self, he looked worried. my face changed to concern in a snap of a finger.

"toby what's up?" i asked with worry.
"it's luke, he's been like... non-stop throwing up for the past four hours, i don't think he's slept at all either." he said.
i looked at tom whos face was stern with a hint of worry in his eye.
"w-well was it something he's eaten?" i asked.
"he's eaten nothing since your stream with purpled the other day, i think he was anxious about it or something." toby replied "i don't know how to help him."

shit i forgot, that conversation we had about a month ago.
'seeing chat shipping you and purpled made me think that i wasn't good enough for you.'

it clicked in my head why he could've been like this.

"okay toby, go get luke a glass of water and let him sit there, i think this is a new type of anxiety attack for him. stay nearby and make sure that he doesn't pass out ok?" i instructed. "i'll call you back in about 5 minutes."

i ended the call, put down my phone and looked at tom seriously.
"i think i'm gonna need to go back to toby's." i said, disappointed at the cut-short trip i had with my good friend.
"no no mate, go. i'll get my mum to drive you to the station. go pack your stuff." tom said, standing me up and pushing me towards the stairs. i smiled gratefully at him before running upstairs.

⚠️vomiting (descriptions)

as i entered my room, i pulled out my phone and dialled luke. it took five rings until he answered.
"els-" he gasped before retching. i scrunched up my face as he gasped for air.
"hey shh, it's okay, i'm coming back to yours. i'm packing right now." i said in a hushed voice.
"but what about your- ... your trip." he replied.
"don't worry about it, just take small sips of water and stay awake as best as you can okay?" i instructed.

the call was silent as i put my clothes in my bag. i heard rustling and groans in pain from luke but it was silent nonetheless.
tom had entered my room and said that his mum was ready to go now, i smiled and put my thumb up to him.
"okay luke, i'll be around in about an hour or so okay? can you try and stay awake for that long?"
"i can try." he said breathily.
"alright, i love you, a lot." i said reassuringly.
"i love you too." he replied before i ended the call.

end of ⚠️

i rushed myself downstairs where tom's mum was.
"alright love let's get goin'. there's a train for toby's station in about 20 minutes so let's get you there quickly." she said, opening the door and leading me into her car where tom already was.
"thank you so much for doing this so quickly." i said.
"oh don't thank me love, luke's a lovely boy and i wouldn't want you or him to have to wait any longer than you already have to." she excused.
i smiled and bounced my leg anxiously as we left the street.

🖤🤍 (⚠️)

luke <3

i couldn't stop panicking. after every time i threw up, i would hyperventilate for a couple of minutes and then feel like i was about to faint. toby didn't know what to do so all he did was just give me glasses of water every time i needed one, he also gave me a blanket because i was shivering too.
when rose called me and told me that she was coming back, i was relieved yet embarrassed. yes i needed her to come back, but she looked like she was having so much fun with tom. i felt so bad yet i was happy she was only an hour away from me.

i wish i wasn't so jealous of a man who didn't even deserve her.

hell, i don't even deserve her.

end of ⚠️

🖤🤍

elsie <3

about 30 minutes into the train journey, i received a message from tom saying i should tweet out that i wasn't gonna be in nottingham anymore, i rolled my eyes because that was the thing that he was focusing on instead of the health of his bestfriend and my boyfriend.

reluctantly, i did it anyways.

roozy poozy ❤️💪☹️ @/rosetweets
| had to go back to tubbo's house a day early :( dw! still some rose&tom content coming to you! <3

i put my phone back down and watched the passing land as i waited for my stop.

20 minutes later.

as i got off the train, toby messaged me saying that the same car that picked me up at the airport was picking me up now. i then instantly looked around the small carpark and looked for it. i eventually found it and entered.

it was toby's mum, she looked as worried as toby did earlier today.
"the office light didn't turn off last night, i think he's down with a bug or something, i don't know why you wanted to see him, he'd be giving you the bug too" she said.
"hm, i still have 5 days to get over the bug if i get it." i said, trying to sound convincing as if i didn't know what was actually wrong with him.
"well, toby's been asking what to do and all i said was to give him water." she said, driving out of the carpark.
"ah alright. i'm sure he just needs some sleep or something."


after a long and painful car journey, we arrived at the house. i thanked toby's mum and entered through the back of the house. toby was working on his computer until i opened the door. he then threw off his headset and gave me a quick hug.
"how bad is he now?" i asked, letting go of his embrace.
"the throwing up is slowing down, about 10ish minutes apart." he explained. "its literally just clear liquid, there's no food to throw up."

⚠️

i nodded my head and headed into the bathroom. as the door opened, a sense of relief entered luke's eyes.
"els-" he breathed. i smiled at him and closed the door behind me.
"it's been non-stop for hours els, i haven't-... i haven't slept today." he explained. i slowly approached him, crouching next to him so his eyes wouldn't strain against the harsh lights of the bathroom.
"so when did this start?" i asked quietly.
"th-this morning." he said, gulping through his sentences.
"if you need to throw up, do it." i said. he looked at me thankfully and leaned over the toilet bowl. i rubbed his back and kissed his shoulder a couple of times.

end of ⚠️

after throwing up, luke rested his head on my chest, hyperventilating and crying, clutching onto his chest with his hand and his other one, squeezing my hand.
"i know, it's ok." i whispered.
his hyperventilating soon stopped and his breathing was a lot calmer. yet he was still crying a little, just from relief.

without hesitation, i wrapped my arms around his body and rocked him side to side. he cried over my shoulder and clutched my body tighter.

"i- i thought i was gonna lose you to him." he confessed during his sobs.
my face saddened and i stroked the back of his head.
"i know, but lets just get you to sleep for a little and then we can talk okay?" i said.
"i don't want to throw up again." he said.
"you won't." i replied.

i lifted his head and helped him up. i walked him to toby's bed and let him lie down as i got changed out of my jeans and changed into my sweatpants. i crawled up the ladder and sat next to luke, he then proceeded to lift his head up and rest his head on my lap. i smiled and lightly scratched his head until he finally fell asleep.

"i'll love you no matter what." i whispered

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