Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

36. Talking with everyone else

Levi was mad. No, saying that he was mad was an understatement. He was furious. Completely outraged by this whole situation. Sophie and Erwin. Just the thought of it was making him sick and that feeling was only increasing whenever he imagined more than just them being close to each other. He couldn't help it. His thoughts were heading that way involuntarily, picturing her with him in an intimate situation. Erwin touching her, kissing her, claiming her. No, he can't think about it. It's a path that would lead him straight to insanity. He couldn't afford that. Otherwise he might do something stupid. Like punching Erwin again. Oh, how he wanted to do that. But he couldn't without making Sophie angry at him. There was nothing in this world that he wouldn't do for her. He was so helplessly charmed by her.

"Are you alright?" Hange asked when she saw him the next day on the training field, walking all by himself, deep in his thoughts.

"Do I look otherwise?" he grunted. "My limbs are fine"

"I wasn't talking about the body," she said slowly, anxious about her own words. She didn't want to anger him. Usually she liked teasing him and seeing how he was becoming angry and grumpy, but that wasn't the case today. Something clearly happened in this weird love triangle that she kept on observing. She hoped for a long time that something would happen between these three that would move things forward, but seeing Levi like this was making her change her mind. Now she wished that nothing would change at all. The sadness in his eyes and grimace on his face was enough for her to pray for things to stay like they were before - amusing and unharmful.

Levi took a glimpse at her and saw pity in her eyes. He hated that. People used to look at him like that when he joined the Survey Corps. It was the only look that he kept on receiving other than full of disgust and sense of superiority. He hated that, so he averted her eyes and kept on walking. "I'm fine four-eyes" he said and she sighed.

She didn't want to push him further, but she also didn't want to leave him alone. She saw heartbreaks amongst soldiers and not only amongst them. She knew well how hard it could be and how much it could damage a person, to how dark thoughts it could lead. She didn't want him to go this way. He had a shitty life, he deserved to improve it. "Oh, come on. It will rain soon. You'll get wet and sick. I'll make us tea in the canteen" she tried to convince him so he turned to face her one more time, only now his facial expression wasn't hostile.

Her mentioning the possibility of rain was almost enough to convince him. He hated when it was raining. Furlan and Isabel died in rain because the storm shortened his view, keeping him circling around in place, thus he came too late. He barely made it to save Sophie. Rain was never a good sign.

And yet, now he didn't want to come inside. He wanted to stay on the field, maybe even go further. Far, far away from this shitty place, shitty life, shitty people. He wanted to disappear. Sophie didn't need him anymore, did she? She had Erwin now. He thought that Erwin wasn't enough to protect her, but...what if Sophie had a different opinion? He felt how his palms started to sweat due to his lack of knowledge. Oh, how he wished to know what she was thinking. It would make his life easier. Or maybe not. Maybe he would have to endure her thoughts about Erwin. He wouldn't stand that for sure.

"If I come will you shut up?" he grunted and Hange almost smirked.

"Sure, I'll try" she smiled at him and he walked towards her. "Come on" she encouraged him to walk faster, but he didn't see a point in that. Everything seemed pointless. Pathetic.

They entered their HQ and went straight to the canteen that was almost empty. It was still very early. Usually soldiers would already be there, but it was an unwritten rule that after an expedition they could stay longer in bed. Training was often cancelled that day, to let people time to rest, celebrate or mourn the loss of their comrades.