Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

87. Breaking the vows

Everything was happening quickly - getting out of the ruins of this building, picking up guns, checking if everyone was alright. The whole sequence lasted less than half an hour, yet for Sophie it felt like an eternity. Her teeth were gritted and body stiff as she laid on the cold floor, held in the arms of the man that she should have felt relieved to have by her side. Alas, she felt like with a stranger. A very annoying stranger that made her feel uncomfortable, like a hostage. Everything that happened was against her will, no matter if it's him next to her or some other Scout. Heck, she would have felt similarly indifferent if it was a Tybur or a Leitz instead. She didn't care who it was. She felt like her life didn't belong to her anymore, as if she was a prisoner, trapped in a body and life that she didn't want to have.

Her eyes flicked on her knife, which was laying close to her. One fast enough movement and it will be over, she thought. She tried to reach with her hand to it, but as soon as she got closer to the tool, Levi caught her hand and clasped it with his own. She almost cringed, feeling his palm on her hand. Go away, she prayed quietly. Leave me alone. Let me end it. Let me fucking die. It was all that she wanted at the moment, the only thing that would silence her thoughts, her mixed feelings, her inability to connect with either of her personalities. The coexistence of them made her want to shove that dagger straight into her heart and free herself from the burden of her sins. Alas, Levi was good at preventing it.

"Are you alright?" They heard Hange's voice who barely stood on her feet. She cleared the debris from above them, helping them to get up.

"Yeah, we are. I got her," Levi said quietly. His voice was giving away how tired and concerned he was and Sophie wished to make herself cry. That's how she would react in the past while seeing him so broken, but she couldn't force herself to show any kind of emotion on her face. "Come on, Sophie. Let's get home," he mumbled towards her, his voice gentle as always. The voice that used to calm her down and somehow still did.

She hesitated for a moment, but stood up anyway, joining his side. He wrapped his hand around her waist, guiding her towards the exit, even though she didn't need any help. Maybe he supported her because he knew she would run away as soon as he let go of her? She couldn't tell whether he sensed that or was just needy after spending so much time apart. Right, how long has it been? She couldn't tell. "When was the last time I...saw you?" She tried to choose her words carefully as she didn't want to awaken any kind of sadness in him. The pained expression in his eyes was enough for her, nearly too much to face after days spent with people that had trouble with showing any kind of emotions.

They got to the cars that Oldin, in his generosity, offered them. Sophie didn't even pay attention to the plate numbers on them. All she cared about was for it to be over, for a benign silence inside and out. She was sitting in a backseat with Levi by her side. God, how annoying it was.

He tried to move closer, his body instinctively wanted to feel the warmth of her own and the soft texture of her skin. God, he just wanted to be close to her. He imagined their reunion for

god knows how long. He imagined how he would kiss her deeply, pull her close and hold tight in his arms while letting her kiss him as well. Nothing like that had happened. Fuck, it hurt badly, knowing that she was here , but at the same time it felt like she wasn't with him at all. She looked like a ghost, a mere shadow of the person he had remembered and replayed images of every single moment for the last couple of weeks. He was on his edge, close to crying when she sat right there and showed no interest in him at all. He felt ignored, he felt...unwanted, unwelcomed. He felt lost because of it. Thus when she spoke to him for the first time, his heart immediately fluttered and palms became sweaty, eyes nervously glimpsing at her, even though she kept looking on the road.