Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

85. On the verge of madness

It was close to dawn and Sophie didn't close her eyes even for a second. She couldn't sleep, haunted by the images of her recent victims. Haunted by the easy-to-recall feeling of their blood on her hands and how it tasted. She wanted to puke again, they said it was going to happen often now, but she didn't want to believe them. Alas, they were right. She was sick constantly, the memory of her past life still there as easy to think about as her new life's crimes. Somehow she was both connected and disconnected to these two versions of herself. Both of them seemed utterly unreal and distant when she was sitting in her room, alone and exhausted.

She hated it. She hated herself. She wished for one of her sides to conquer the other and make it vanish forever. She either had to go back to how she was or slip into the darkness and gory of everything she had dealt with during her time spent with Tyburs and Leitzes. If she won't then she was a hundred percent sure she would end up crazy. Maybe that's why all of the Leitzes were so...bitter? She was starting to act like this too, wasn't she? The thought was driving her mad and causing her to pull hair out of her head, just to feel something that belonged to her. Something she did out of her own will. It felt like she had nothing to say these days, like she was merely a spectator that was forced to watch her life in the first row. God, she resented her lack of agency. She was strong and powerful, but at the same time...nothing like that.

Suddenly the door to her room opened and Margaret stood in them, looking at her with that disgusted expression that Sophie got used to over time. How long has it been? Month? Two? She lost track of time as all of her days seemed painfully the same. "We're going to hunt. You're with us?" She just asked. Her voice was cold as always, she tried really hard to not get attached to her in any way. It was pointless, Sophie was a shadow of a human that only managed to function because of Willy. If it wasn't for him, Margaret was positive Sophie would end it all already. She didn't have much of a Leitz bone in herself. Not enough to adapt to this new life quickly anyway.

"I don't feel like it," she shrugged, averting her eyes which caused her to roll them and kneel in front of her.

"Quit acting so pathetic," she hissed at her which took Sophie aback. She was used to unspoken resentment from Margaret, but ever since she met Willy, she quitted insulting her. "You're a Leitz, start behaving accordingly," she said proudly and got up. Sophie didn't move at all, her old self sending her an impulse to sit still. Her new self was oddly quiet this morning which meant that Willy was probably out of the house. Whenever he increased distance between them she was becoming more passive. At first it resulted in her putting up a fight, but as time had passed she had no power to break the chains and free herself. No, she waited meekly for him to return and brainwash her even more. That's what he had done to her. That's one of two things she resented him the most for.

When she didn't move, Margaret sighed and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt, dragging her outside the room. It hurt a bit as she didn't control her strength. It was a thing with Leitzes, when you didn't act the way they wanted you to there was no warning for a punishment. No, they just punished you and no one cared whether it was something insignificant or major that you fucked up in, you were punished harshly. She only escaped the chance of being beaten up due to her connection with Willy. "You're lucky I can't fucking punch you," she grunted as she took her to the car and ordered their driver to go.

"Why do you care anyway?" Sophie mumbled and her face grimaced as suddenly she felt more lively and blood started to slowly boil in her hands. They were getting closer to Willy. Fuck.

"I care about not being forced to babysit your ass anymore," she replied, crossing arms on her chest. "We're going to the place where we feasted the last time," she informed her, which caused Sophie's expression to become gloomier again. They were going to hunt for the Ackermans. Of course, there was no other option, but hearing this made Sophie involuntarily fed up as she knew that her past self was going to look at her with sadness painted on her face. She hated those moments and wished for them to disappear. She wished for Willy to perform some kind of trick on her mind, forcing anything from the past to go away if he wasn't going to free her. She was done with suffering. So, so done. "And no funny business. We won't stop at the city's centre so you can go and try to buy fucking drugs again," she added and Sophie's face almost turned red, embarrassed that she was caught on doing that. It explained how the powder she bought disappeared, though.