Inquisitive Heart [ Chaennie ]

Inquisitive Heart - Chapter 8

I TRIED TO MOVE ON FROM THE NIGHTMARES I ONCE HAD. When people left you, the feel of their scattered pieces of promises, how they made you feel like you needed them, that you couldn't breathe without them.

-

When I was a kid, I was not a dreamer, but I can admit that I was ambitious like any rich kid in my age; What was wrong with me right? Yes, I was a great kid, and I have wonderful parents. I did all the right things. But the right things that would only please them, alone... and not what pleases me. Also ending of keeping my traumatic experience from my classmates in me, keeping the pain just to myself.

Maybe it was an early stage of depression if you must say and if there are stages I really don't know of.
It must be weird for you to hear it from a kid version of me. But who can blame me for being this kind of version of myself? I was leaving my mainland and was living in a community which is new to me and not pretty welcoming... which I think is very unworthy.

I was like a machine; I was like an adult inside a small emotionless girl's body.
I was never loose; I was always in control. I was set to do things to please everybody but myself just to be accepted by the community and to be called as their person.

I knew I did great as the little Asian kid, Roseanne.

But still I feel I was useless.

Until she came into my life and changes most of my perspectives.

It's not true that I didn't experience love.

I did once feel the butterflies in my stomach, the sleepless night because of the thoughts of her, the way I missed her when she was not around.

I did once feel being in love. But it's too hard to admit at such a young age that I felt it, especially towards a girl. I guess it's easier if she's a 'he' or if we were not that young as a confession will only resulted to a laughter.

Because of how fool I have been...

We didn't end well.

It didn't even start well.

There was never an 'us.

It was just a part of my delusion.

But somehow, she did a great deal in my life. She made me understand so many things that I didn't know. She made me experience failure and helped me got up from my feet. She made me laugh and cry in the sincerest way. She made me feel the emotions I never once had.

And one of that is how I felt...

when she left me.

---

"Rosie?" I opened my eyes for hearing her sweet angelic voice, seeing her curly brunette hair lying beautifully on top of me. She called me again and I felt her breathing stroking my neck tickling me.

I realized I slept in her room and hugged her in my sleep pulled her on top of me, served my chest as her pillow to make her more comfortable; until she caught us still in the same position when we woke up in the morning.

I loosen a bit to lower my head and to see her face while she smiles at me. Me, am I smiling? No, I'm grinning like a fool.

"We need to go." She said while gently releasing her hold on my shoulder. I moved backward and released her from my embrace. I stretched my arms expecting aches anywhere in my body, but to my surprised... I never felt this light before.