Reviews : a book where I try to review other books

10 | What Lies Within

By: 

first impression:

I read your blurb as requested and it was good but I'll go further about it later in the blurb section. 

It mentioned how it was fitting for pride and prejudice fans and by chance I'm currently reading the book lol. So I looked forward to read it. 

As promised it did give me a pride and prejudice vibe and the writing style was very fitting for the genre. 

Blurb:

I think it's pretty good although it lacks ✨ Spizzazz ✨

Personally I'm not a fan of putting the full name of the character in the blurb. I don't know but most of the time we only really use the first name but it's just a personal pet peeve. 

Maybe use just one adjective to describe the characters and elaborate more on their goals and the plot.

Okay so I'll make different versions to kind of convey what I'm trying to say but this is in no way trying say I'm better or yours is bad because I think the blurb does it's job well. These are simply suggestions.

Averse to her families ideals, Ashley [Kenneth] ran away with her lover, a farmer boy from her childhood, Andrew [Scott]. Although it wasn't nothing like her lavish life back home, Ashley found herself satisfied with the silence of their small cozy home by the fields. 

But one decree from a tyrannical king ruined everything. Snapping her dreams to two like thin little twigs. 

An execution was announced. For what reason, neither of the couple knew but one thing they knew for sure, they weren't going to just let that happen. 

Only the king was a step further. Plans set already for her. 

Dangerous plans that could lead to something far worse than death. A sickening, incomprehensible feeling. Love and Desire. 

Or something along those lines. 

But honestly, your blurb is a good blurb and gives the proper info for the reader before starting the book. 

pacing:

After the word things in the first paragraph of the first chapter who can move the next part as it's one paragraph to avoid overwhelming the reader.

'Utterly the same people' It's either I'm just illiterate or this sentence really didn't make sense. 

I genuinely want to know though what this part meant.

after the word authentic move the next part as it's own paragraph.

Other than those nitpicks, I think you've got the pacing to a certain degree. I do think the plot is moving too quick to the meeting of Damien and Ashley. I guess you can take time to show Ashley's life as a runaway, what Andrew does for a living, their home life etc.

And then when introducing Damien, perhaps take the time to show his life in the palace, no need to be too long, just enough to show him as a ruler and a person who lives in the palace. 

characters:

"I'm sure glad my dad is dead." I love this line, it gave king damien a lot of character alreayd 

And I do like how you established Ashley's character but Andrew kinda seemed bland to me like Gale and Jacob type of bland. In other words, he gives off second male lead. I think you can give more charisma I guess. 

He lacked a certain charm to him.

A suggestion could be him joking about his execution and Ashley getting mad at him for that. He reveals he does so cuz he's scared but he didn't want to burden Ashley.