Reviews : a book where I try to review other books

21 | Not without my mother

By:

First Impression:

I think the title is very intriguing since it sounds like a demand in a serious situation and can really reel readers to wonder.

I do admit I struggled on reading some words because they were in a different language but its a more of a personal nitpick.

Pacing

I think there were scenes where you could either remove or expand.

I'd like to remind you unless your book is a slice of life, which tackles everyday life of a certain character, I suggest to remove scenes or shorten scenes that are unessessary to the plot or has nothing to offer to the proggression of characters.

I guess an example would be the ball or party scene, I think this is an important scene to establish so many of the characters so I think this scene could be expanded longer with a lot of character interections.

Other than that, I recommend to re edit scenes and add more descriptions (I'll discuss this further) to certain scenes.

But all in all, it isn't horrible and it only needs a few tweaks but I can see the idea and its pretty good.

Plot:

Because of the title I was intrigued but I don't think the first chapter delivered what the blurb promised.

I would suggest to start the story with them being busy with their jobs. Like them getting calls, acting, talking wih the director. And then they get a call from their nanny saying their son to video call

(I'm using them because it could be applicable to both characters)

And then they talk, then say goodbye abruptly and then they go back to work guilty of leaving their child alone like that.

This way it can instantly show how acting gets in the way of them being present with their child (which is an actual struggle with parent actors I believe and so this book can dive deeper into that concept as well)

Then after that it can be the party and etc etc.

Other than the first chapter, I actually like the idea that the mother of Barak doesn't like (I'm sorry I forgot her name, i'm going for deryam)

It creates conflict and if you add the argument how deryam likes acting but the mother keeps mentioning how she should stay home and take care of their son

it would be a compelling and interesting argument the two could go about.

Characters:

I think there are 3 chapters in this book so I don' t have a very clear idea of their personalities yet but my review for this category is to give clear flaws that the characters will work on.

What clashes between them, and what they bond over.

Also more character interactions with other characters. Other than that they're good. They're not cardboard like and does have a distinct personalitt to them.

Dialogue:

I think it could use some work, like capitalization, punctuation, and other more grammar specific things but when it comes to whether its good story wise.

I do think it also needs more revising. Since the lines don't really give much depth to the characters I guess?

If a character perhaps has a hidden agenda, make their lines more sketchy. Then again the dialogue is usually being carried by the description followed after so let's move on to the description category.

Descriptions:

Of course, I'll always mention to describe whatever catches the attention of the narrator.

When setting a scene do this, also when describing action, you can add what catches the attention of the narrator.

Because in reality, we look at whatever catches our eye.

And since this book is written in first pov, I suggest to do that.

but its a different case in 3rd pov because its like reading a picture book. You see so much more than what the character in the book sees.

as mentioned, also describe when you intend to add detail to someone's dialogue.

Since we can't hear their delivery of the lines in the book, Dialogue tags and descriptions help a lot in accentuating the lines for us.

So when you say that the character is frustrating or feeling betrayed you can add the description that:

The words were hard to say, I'd rather say nothing at all for the betrayal in my heart was too heavy to even pour out in my frustration.

But I knew I had to, or else I'll be misunderstood, like everyone always does.

or if they are confused.

"Home?" I said, the words coming off as more confused than I intended.

It's not the greatest example but I hope the point was understood.

Is it compelling:

Yes, I think it would if the introduction was less boring, if I had to say so, starting with a morning routine is not wrong or bad

but it usually only works if the story is meant to be calm and basically plotless. Where the reader intends to only read about the daily life of a character.

(Which usually only works in like movies or webtoons but thats just my opinion since I havent read a book like so)

Overall:

I admit I think this review feels lacking so if you have any additional stuff you want me to add, kindly inform me and I'll gladly do so.

Anyway, I hope this review didn't come off as rude or half-hearted and was helpful in some way.

Have a good day/night, keep on writing, and farewell!