Reviews : a book where I try to review other books

27 | Armageddon

By:

First Impression

I have to honest, the starting with I have to serious with work line is a good starter but it wasn't enough to hook as it didn't really pull through with what comes after. Maybe branch out a little bit from that line before transitioning to the next topic. 

Maybe, "I really should start taking my job seriously. It wasn't a CEO level job, it isn't even office level. Some might even call it freelance. 

Yet, I still managed to mess it up, if this was a less flexible job.  I would've been fired for losing my camera lens and also for being late."

Obviously, this is not the greatest example but I would say maybe something similar to that. 

I also would suggest a recurring theme as I can see that Edgar wants to be rich with some hinting sentences but at some parts it feels out of place. Like in the second chapter, she suddenly mentions maybe she'll feel rich if she went to Edward's place. 

Perhaps describe it differently. 

"That place reeks of wealth. I went there once and they had [some rich people thing that has no purpose but they have it anyway cuz their rich. Like a million dollar marble couch or something] Everyone is dressed in designer clothes and had expensive glasses of wine on hand. Everytime I went, I felt rich as well."

Pacing

Chapter 4 felt confusing and even a bit rushed at the beginning, there were sentences that I couldn't determine it's purpose in the thought process or even in the descriptions during that scene. 

I would suggest to have each sentence lead to the next. I make this mistake quite often, which is to jump from one topic to the other in a paragraph, where each sentence talks about a different topic but kind of  ties in with what the first one was talking about. 

Most of the time, this style ends up feeling choppy and in complete. Or an unfinished thought even. 

Like the "I make my way out of room, I'll clean it one day. One day."

This line feels incomplete. The I'll clean it one day line feels sudden. Suggestion would be to: "I make my way out of my dirty room, knowing if my mother would see this , she'd have my head. I shrug, I'll clean it eventually. It's just hard to maintain it after chasing after so many job interviews. 

It's hard to get any interview nowadays, [possibly explain why here.]"

Plot

 The part of the plot I know of right now, after reading 5 chapters, as stated by Edgar is that she never felt like she was part of the real world and I actually saw the build up to it but I would suggest more show as well as most of the time it's usually her telling us this. 

Maybe when visiting Edward, she thinks how this must what's like to have a cool job or something like that. 

Other than that, the plot is pretty vague from the plot and as of now I have no clue what is the main conflict but since I only read 5 chapters, I won't comment on that. 

Characters

I can see Edgar being an interesting character and I have no complaints on the she is written, she has room for progress and growth, although it's not super clear, but I'm assuming she does develop further into the story. 

Other characters like Raven, Edward, and maybe Charlie currently feels not so fleshed out to me. Especially Edward, despite the fact he appears a lot in the 5 chapters. I just feel like he's current vibe is the supportive side character.