(closed) I'm bored and I have writer's block, what better way to hit two birds with one stone than doing a review book which I will most likely abandon but oh well.
Welcome to this book, created through an impulse decision by me.
If you want to have...
first impression: I like coming of age books that explore friendship and self identity so I was instantly excited to read knowing this was going to be the focus of your book.
And due to that I became more than happy to be able to review and hopefully help you out improve your book.
Buckle up, this will be quite a ride.
plot
As mentioned I'm a sucker for coming of age plots so I liked the plot of the book but like any other I do have some nitpicks.
But right now let's tackle your plot in this book.
The story of new girl, new school is nothing new in the writing world but what set yours apart I suppose is the lighthearted vibe Maisy brings into that situation.
Yes, she does gain anxiety which I will tackle later.
But most of the time she is very optimistic.
Okay for the anxiety part.
I don't have diagnosed anxiety but I can say I've experienced feeling anxious like any other person.
Seeing as this was based off a real experience I won't nitpick how it was protrayed but instead how it was written.
I think going into detail of what she was feeling, physically (maybe the chest feeling cornered or enclosed to the point of feeling like one can't breath, fuzzy mind, facial expressions contorting into anxious face)
These are just suggestions btw. Im not compeltely sure and thought to simply suggest.
I loved the paragraph where she talks about Eleanor though. It flowed from one topic to the other really well and perhaps you can use that as basis when you don't know how to write down her train of thought in future paragraphs.
pacing
Each chapter has about a 1000 words I assume and this isn't the problem.
The events in each one are written and explored too briefly.
Like when Maisy gained new friends, personally I think showing them hanging out and Maisy being confused or doesn't know what they're talking abt.
This way ur showing not telling.
Another would be to refrain from info-dumping, like ths appearances of the side characters.
I'll tackle those and more in the description section.
The next is to part your paragraphs to avoid overwhelming your readers. The moments to part a paragraph is when the character moves to the next action.
For example:
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You can seperate the paragraph when she starts talking about her guitar.
Also when she says most guitar players (Which can be changed into Some guitarists)
And 'That's why', and finally at One lesson.
The starting words I've mentioned are where you can seperate them to their own paragraphs.
《I would go further but that would be editing and this is a review, I do hope you got my point.》
characters
I like Maisy as character. Her innocence and willingness to make friends is very sweet and her narration is honestly very nice as well.
As mentioned in pacing. Take time to establish characters even if they only appear for a little while.
Writing down their dialogue and the moments where the 'conflict' happens will definitely help establishing them as characters in your story instead of seeming like their only personality is one thing.
does that make sense?
Anyway, I hope you'll expand on other characters' personalities in this book. Focus more on that than their appearances. Which can be established as the story goes on.
There's no need to write descriptions individually. It usually causes the reader to forget them more.
dialogue
I most likely sound like a broken record at this point but truthfully taking the time to write down the interactiong Masiy mentioned in the book can expand the world she's in and bring her as character to life.
Show us when she was hanging out with the theater kids instead of telling us she hung out with them.
Show us the dialogue she had with the popular girls. How she met them, and when she started feeling left out.
Even show us when she's at home, what she does, what she's think.
I suggest to Treat the book as if it's her mental diary which was the vibe I was getting from your writing and I loved it. It added to that innocent vibe Maisy was giving and really fuelled the book's aesthetic.
Or to be more broad, give the book an aesthetic or theme and go with it. To feel cohesive and nice.
An example I'll use is The thing about jelly fish by Ali Benjamin. I recommend this book cuz the vibes are very similar and its just a really good book.
(It's intermediate and the story is really cool so yeah)
descriptions
I admit, descriptions can be hard, irritating, and sometimes very difficult to understand.
My tip would be to have a general idea of what you want to describe in that scene and write that down and then branch out from them as if you'e describing a video and what it's filming.
Does her eyes pan across the room, scanning it. If she does, write it down. Write what she sees that catches her eye as she scans a room. What detail that made her stop and stare at it.
I can give that tip but when it comes to actions of characters, usually it's mentioned after or before dialogue or said in the speech tags
likw staggered, halted, walked, etc.
Is it compelling?
To me and plot wise. Absolutely. I could be biased cuz I love these middle grade type of trope I suppose.
Where it tackles about navigating identity and friendship and fitting and all that. I don't relate personally but i always get drawn by books with plots like these.
overall I've mentioned that the book felt like a mental diary and Idk if that was ur intention or not but i absolutely loved it.
I love the plot and the main character. Maisy is just such a lovable character and I hope to see her interact with other characters more.
Anyway, I think this book has potential and only needs a few writing tweaks and time for the pacing. Other than that, I admit I was happy I was able to read this book and honestly will be keeping it in my library as you improve.
Does that sound weird? Idk.
That is all for this review. I hope I didn't come off as rude and hope this helped in some way. Have a good day/night,keep on writing, and farewell!
