chapter 40 | In your arms

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30 minutes later...

The silence breaking me apart as my eyes have not closed for more than a few seconds in the darkness of this room, I feel the heaviness in my chest crush me even harder, the thoughts torturing me, I lose the strength I was clutching onto until now, and I feel some new tears flood my eyes.

Not wanting the pillow to be wet, I put one arm under my head but cry. I barely cry, to be honest, so I know that if I do, this means something is deeply affecting me and that I am struggling, that I cannot get out of it on my own.

She is right. I love them both, I want them both for myself and cannot imagine being away from neither of them. I always avoided this, always tried to deny what I feel, what I need, and want, I always convinced myself that I am not gay, or not straight, but at the same time, that I cannot fall in love with a guy, but still would not mind to date one. So I never made sense because I was claiming one thing then claiming the opposite like an indecisive and immature dumbass.

I need to get my shit straight.

My sobs getting a little too loud through the dead silence of the night, I do my best to not wake her up, but her body rolls towards mine. She slides her arms around my waist, and her head rests on my chest. "I love you, Jungkook."

Her words make me totally burst into tears, and the weak side of me gets exposed. She comforts me and gives me so much strength. I hold her tight and wipe my tears away with my sleeve. "I love you too, y/n."

"Stop concerning yourself so much, it's gonna make you sick," she whispers, soothing me when I should be the one doing it. "We love you both, you love us both, Hojun and I like each other and are like best friends. Let's make simple things simple. Let's not change anything to what we had, what we were."

I do not say anything to only hear her and also not provoke more argument, but she moves her head over her pillow, and her lips touch mine. "You need rest."

"I love you so much. I mean it," I close my eyes, feeling more calm. "I love you too, Jungkook. I want you to sleep like a little baby tonight."

She manages to put a smile on my face, and I tighten my hold around her, feeling my entire body relax because of her.


— Next day —


Saturday, October 23rd, 2021.

12:30 pm.

"Hey," the sound of a soft voice wakes me up, my eyes opening but seeming more tired than the rest of my body. I squint them and gaze up at the angel in front of me, and the smile she gives me makes me feel like a melted candy. "You should eat lunch, it's already noon."

"Already?" I cough after harshly rasping my throat with a husky sound, and she nods but holds a lunchbox near my face as I just covered my mouth. "Your meal is here, take the time you need."

Now that I am awake, the thoughts and events of last night are coming back to ruin my mood. I breathe in and out pretty deeply, and I stretch my body, but she lands her hand on my stomach to rub it and gazes at me with one of the most solacing looks.

None of us looking away, the words she says through her eyes reach me, and I grab her hand to run my fingers over her skin, then intertwine them with hers.

As if she could feel how I feel inside, she bends over me and presses a kiss on my lips. "You're even cuter in the morning."

I chuckle but sit up, and I look at the food in the lunchbox without letting go of her hand. "Your wife cooked your favorite meal to cheer you up," she does not forget what I said yesterday but brings it up again, unknowingly fluttering my heart.

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