A parody of this awful how to film from 1954
(Int: Bedroom)
(Crying)
Narrator: (Gov) Well it's too late for tears, isn't it Barbara.
Barbara: (Florida) How can it be too late?
Narrator: Well if you just formed some habits...
Barbara: ALBERT'S SICK.
Narrator: He's a stuffed gator!
Barbara: (gasp) Don't say that about Albert!
Narrator: Y'know what, let's get to the flashback.
(Int: Bedroom, morning)
Narrator: You're a creature of habit, you always were.
Barbara: (bangs on alarm clock) Mmm swamp puppies.
Narrator: This is how your day started, started wrong.
Barbara: (suddenly awake) Well some of us don't wake up at the crack of dawn like you do!
Narrator: HEY.
(Int: Bedroom)
Narrator: Your neighbor, Helen, is a creature of habit too.
Helen: (Cali) (sits up in bed) DISEMBODIED VOICE.
Narrator: She got up when the alarm went off, because that's what she had in mind when she set it.
Helen: That's right. I have good habits. (falls on Monster cans)
Narrator: Really? No one else could've been Helen?
Helen: Can't hear you! Stuck with me!
Narrator: (hard sigh) Helen picks out her clothes carefully, and makes sure they're neat.
Helen: Hmm....which flannel?
Narrator: It was a special day for Helen.
Helen: I get a friend?????
Narrator: Sure.
(Int: Bedroom)
Narrator: It was a special day for you too, but you weren't ready. Was your family asleep?
Mother: (Georgia) (snoring)
Narrator: I SAID-was your family asleep?
Mother: Mmph Bulldogs will make it to the playoffs.
Narrator: (sighs) Just get up.
Barbara: OH SHIT I'M GOING TO BE LATE. (jumps out of bed)
Narrator: If you had just gotten up-
Barbara: I NEED MY HAT-
Narrator: Uh you've gotten in the habit of....(loud crash) you meant to mend...
Barbara: These shorts are still good! (dashes off)
Narrator: Er....let's check on Helen.
(Int: Kitchen)
Narrator: Helen has a habit plan, and it involves a healthy breakfast and a pleasant word to her folks.
(Loud yelling)
Narrator: Uh....all three enjoy Mr. Elliot's comments on the news?
Helen: AND IF WE KEPT PUTTING OUR NOISE IN WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG THAT'LL BACKFIRE ON US!
Mr. Elliot: (Texas) THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A COMMIE WOULD SAY!
Narrator: Who made him the dad?
(Int: Kitchen)
Mother: (still sleeping)
Narrator: Your eggs were cold this morning. But you had no time to be picky about your food, or your diet.
Barbara: Sweet, I get to fulfil my anime protagonist dreams!
Narrator: Wait this isn't good-
Barbara: (with toast) BYE GEO!
Mother: (sits up) FLORIDA GET UP!
Narrator: (hard sigh) All your neighbors knew how late it was when you went by with your regular dog trot.
Barbara: GOTTA GO FAST.
Narrator: I hate it here.
(Int: School)
Barbara: So then right, there was this GIANT GATOR.
Teacher: (Massachusetts) Uh huh.
Barbara: And he was teaming up with this robot!
Teacher: Right.
Barbara: So of course only I could find the rainbow crystals and defeat-
Teacher: Just sit down.
Narrator: When you saw Helen you suddenly felt envious.
Helen: Heh. Damn right he should feel envious of me. (Monster energy can spills from backpack) Whoops.
Narrator: See how messy and uncouth you are compared to perfect Helen?
Barbara: Want me to eat bath salts again?
Narrator: No....
Barbara: Then back off.
