Mafia: Dominic Romero |18+

Chapter 24

I don't know why I said that. Why am I even entertaining the idea.
I hate the power he has over me to make me lose all my senses.

It always freaking happens when I'm around him, it's like this bubble of serotonin just clouds my mind and I get so consumed with how he makes me feel in the moment.

He moves a strand of my hair behind my ear, staring deep into my eyes and I nervously bite on my bottom lip, I know it's a sink hole, A constant back and forth but if you knew how good he makes my insides feel and how special I feel being consumed by him, you might understand why I keep slipping back into that hole on purpose.

He leans into me and then pauses, as if reality flashes before him and he drops his hand drastically and takes a step back and my body instantly misses his presence. The distance he created was so abrupt it threw me for a minute.

He looks at me as if he needs to say something but doesn't. I haven't dropped his eye contact, to reassure him, that it's okay to speak his mind. He finally speaks.

"I can't keep doing this Mia, I know I keep saying that but I mean it this time, the minute I have a moment like this with you, my mind immediately slips into a 'she's finally mine', I'm getting the family I've always imagined and dreamed for myself, but that's short lived because after that blip moment it all comes crashing down like waves in the ocean and I know you're thinking that a stereotypical bad boy shouldn't be hurt or express his emotions like this but I'm no boy Mia! I'm a man, a man who thought family life with the white picket fence, with kids running around and a dog isn't in the cards for him but then you came along and made me desperate for that kinda life with you and this hurts me, more than my words can express to you how much, my heart is big and I'm willing to give you it all but knowing you don't want that with me, kills me slowly, which is more painful than anything I've experience in battle.

I'm not trying to be an asshole but I'm no longer able to be just some guy you fuck and not commit to anymore Mia. If you want me you will have to give me your all, otherwise please just leave me alone, it's not fair that you keep pushing me away but when it's convenient for you, you pull me back into the bliss."

He steps further away from me, "if you don't want to drive with me after this, I can call you an Uber home or take you back to your car, whichever you prefer..."  He turns his back towards me, slouches and shoves his hands in his pockets, he doesn't wait for me to answer. He is already slowly strolling in the direction where he had parked.

I'm utterly stunned and can't believe all of that came out of his mouth, even though it has some truth ,I'll give him that just because my mind is mixed up and at war with whether I should or shouldn't give us the chance it's not fair to tug on his feelings like that. I wouldn't appreciate it, if it were done to me, so why am I so comfortable to have done it to him.... I guess I kept Assuming he's not emotionally invested in me and that how am I capable of hurting the big bad wolf.

I guess it's true what they say, the villains of the story always love harder than the heroes, villains will scorch the earth to protect their loved one, whereas heroes will risk their loved one getting hurt in the process of protecting the world. In society's view of Dominic he may play the villain with his criminal lifestyle and bad things he's done but to me he isn't a bad person and that doesn't define him, personally for me time and time again he's come to my rescue when I needed one the most. Sometimes that's easy to forget when you're so focused on protecting your own heart.

Falling from this height for him again would only hurt on impact, I don't see myself recovering from it if he ever hurt me again and sadly I don't know if the risk is worth it. In the end of it all I need to be the best version of myself for Christian and I think Christian having both parents happy and there for him is better than a roller coaster of emotions just to have them together.