The trouble maker

Chapter - 55 (Last Chapter)

For the first time in a week, my heart dropped with happiness and I cried the tears of gladness upon hearing the news of Alex regaining his consciousness, but my feelings in every respect forbid me to be happy. Human words can but imperfectly describe how glad I was that Alex finally woke up but I didn't deserve to be happy, not in the strictest sense.

I fidgeted impatiently as I wait for the doctor to come out from Alex's room, his condition was still critical but now at least he was awake, that counts for something. I wanted to stay beside him and ask for his forgiveness and told him how badly I love him, and the corner of my mind hoped that I would gain his forgiveness someday. I shake my head at my stupid thought, to think I deserve his forgiveness after everything I've done?

In that moment, I was relieved to know that no one was privy to my thoughts, stupid as they are, they remain my own and no one knows them.

"Looking at his condition..." The doctor started talking as soon as he came out, we all stood up to greet him as he continued to speak, "I would recommend that no one see him yet, he is still in a dangerous situation, any change in the condition could let him into a coma or worse." He stated as I cup my mouth with my hands, holding myself back from making a sound of cry. "But weak as he is, he used all his energy to call out one name, is there Andrea among you?" He asked as all the heads of Alex's relative and friends turn towards me.

The doctor followed their moves and addressed me, "You may go in to see him, but only for a few minutes, and try not to do or say anything which will affect him, his life is still at risk."

I nodded as he left us, I took a deep breath and look over at Alex's room, I wanted so much to run inside and hug him and cry a river but I couldn't move. How will I manage to see his face? How can I look him in the eye? What will I say? I felt like my tongue was cut out from me and no matter how much I wanted to explain everything to him I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to, I'm afraid my tongue and words won't cooperate.

Ash softly pat my back, "It's okay, Ann, he wants to see you, it will be fine."

"Tell him we're all outside." Levi hedged, and it was the first time he spoke to me in a week. I looked at him and he nodded at me, showing he was okay that I was going in.

I showed him a small smile as a thank you, but my smile was so out of practice that anyone would be able to tell how fake it was.

I took a ragged breath and hold the handle of the door, slowly and firmly I stepped inside.

Then there he was...

My tears started streaming down from my eyes before I could make any more move, I watched him as he lay there, so helpless and lifeless. Every sense was on high alert, I felt like a violin whose strings had been tightened till they were about to snap.

Alex, I'm sorry I'm so sorry

I hold my mouth again to prevent me from crying out loud, Alex seemed to notice my presence and movement, he slowly opens his eyes but he couldn't hold them open for long. Then he opens them again, this time slower than the first time. I took a step forward and tried to speak, "Alex, I'm-" But my voice betrayed me and I couldn't speak anymore as I hold myself with all my might from crying out loud, "I'm sorry-" I tried again but this time Alex stopped me with a gesture, he asked me to move closure to him with his hands, and I did.

I stopped just beside him and he looked up at me, flames danced in his eyes as looked at me, "Andrea..." His voice was so soft and weak, and it had every sweetness and tender in the world, and I felt his voice like a kick to the stomach. I couldn't hold myself from crying out loud any longer and I plopped down to the chair beside his bed as I hold my face with my hands as I cry like there's no tomorrow.

"Shhh..." His weak voice tried to calm me as I weep uncontrollably, I hold my breath for a few seconds to calm me down and I could finally look up to him, "Alex, I'm so, I'm so- sorry." I could finally manage to blurted out meaningful words. "I never intend to." I added as I took his hands on mine, they were as cold as ice, I hold it and kissed it multiple times, "I never intend for any of this."

"I don't car-" He tried to speak but it hurts him, and he stopped for a moment and he went on again, slowly, "I don't care about the deal." He coughed as I told him not to speak again, the corner of his mouth lifts as he tried to speak again, "Shh, it's okay, don't speak." I told him softly but he was determined to, "All I want to know-w is..." He closed his eyes again for a few seconds, "Yes?" I asked softly, my voice was so low that I doubt he even heard it, he groaned loudly before he could manage to speak again, "Was any of it true?" I felt his question like a knife curving me inside, "Did you ever really love me?"

I wanted to shout to him, and even to the whole world that I love him, but my throat was sealed and I couldn't say anything for a moment as tears began to cloud over my eyes, now the tears came with a headache, I have cried for the whole week, it was almost surprising I still didn't collapse.

"Well, did you-u?" He asked again, "Or was it all just a lie?"

"I did, Alex, I did." I tightened my grip on his hands as I told him that I did love him, "Did?" He asked, his voice was breaking as he spit out the word.

"Do." I quickly added, "I did, and I still do."

"I admit that it began with a lie, and I should have never done that, but Alex, I really did fell in love with you, I'm not supposed to, but I did, you are the most amazing thing that ever happened to me, I don't want to lose you, Alexander, I love you!"

A small smile decked over his face, "Say that again?"

"I love you, I love you, I love you." I rap it out, and it felt so good to say it out loud finally.

"That's all I need to know." He looked at me as I held his face, "I forgive you Andrea, because I love you too. More than I could ever express." His eyes were sparkling incongruously like a newly cut diamonds dropped in a pile of manure, "What my dad usually said was that if you had to ask whether you loved someone, you don't." There was glimpse of happiness and sadness in his eyes, they were like a permanent fixture like a black curtain at a back of a stage set, his lips curled up into a soft smile, and I vowed in my heart that I would never be the cause of his pain but the protector of his smile. "I never had to ask myself if I love you, it was as clear to me as I know my name." Who would have thought? Even after I broke his heart for my own evil and selfish purpose, his love for me was as strong as ever, just as I was about to smile, I noticed that the small smile on his face was gone, and his eyes were closed, and his hands fell from my grip as life left from his body.

I screamed and shouted with the top of my lungs. The next moment, the room was swarmed with doctors and nurses trying to bring back life to him, I fell to the floor as I continued to screamed as I cry and pray.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

After a moment, the head doctor shook his head as he looked at lifeless Alex. I ran to him and hugged his body as I cried, like crying was the only thing I know in life.

No, he can't die, Alex can't die!!! He can't

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Bilimoria," I heard the doctor said, "We couldn't save your grandson."