The trouble maker

Chapter - 45

 I paced around the hospital's corridor waiting for the Doctor's result, and my thoughts which now seem even bigger than the biggest ocean in the world waved through my mind. I trembled inside my own body and felt like the spirits inside me had been lifted as I thought about the moment I saw Alex lying on the hard road, unconscious.

He threw himself in front of the truck for me, tears streamed down from my eyes as thousands of emotions danced inside me. Whatever had I done in my entire life to have a man like him? If I could undo the passing of the days, I'd give anything, but if I could undo them, why not undo before I signed up for the deal? Because deep down, I knew that even if I hadn't signed up for the deal, Alex would still sweep me off my feet and I'd still be with him, of that I was sure with every fiber in my entire being. He was like the missing puzzle of me that I didn't even know was missing. All the fantasies and all the plots I had read seem like nothing now that my real life had something so messed up, it's like nothing I'd read before. I always believed that if I ever experience anything regarding love or whatever it maybe, I'd be somewhat of an expert because I had read a lot about it, but big fat no. Reading and experiencing things in real life is like watching someone being stabbed with a knife and ourselves actually being stabbed with a knife. When we witnessed someone being stabbed, we could envisage the pain, and we may think we know how it would feel and how much it would hurt but that's very different to actually experiencing the pain of being stabbed.

I sighed deeply as I peeked out from the hospital's corridor waiting to hear the result of Alex, I think I had calm down a bit since I could finally just stand. Ash was worried for me since I could not just stand still or sit still and she suggested that I went somewhere private for a while and refresh myself. She knew that being alone always refreshed me, Simon and Levi agreed too and promised they would call me as soon as there was news, so I went away for a while to calm down the volcano inside me that wanted to erupt so bad.

I had never felt so helpless in my entire life than I do now, if I was being that shattered to see Alex hurt, however the hell was I to leave and break him apart? I don't even want to think about that now but it was just impossible. I felt like everything I had built for all my life had been crumbling down onto me.

My phone rang and it was more than the fifth time that it rang tonight, I quickly look at my screen hoping to see Ash's name but instead I found myself facing the name 'Vernon'

He was the least I expected to call me right now, I cleared my throat a bit and took the call, "Hello?" I hate how weak my voice sounded.

"Andrea? Are you okay?" He kind of shouted with a worried voice, "I just heard what happened."

"I'm fine." I didn't have the energy to say more. "I'm relieved to hear that you're unharmed even though I kind of already know." He kept quit for like five seconds then continued since I wasn't disposed to make a reply, "I'm actually calling to know about Alex."

"Is this because he found out about the deal?" He whispered gingerly.

"What? No, where'd you heard that?" I hastily answered and asked back. "No, I didn't hear it from anywhere, nobody besides us knows, I just kind of jump to a conclusion that Alex find out about it and this happened."

"No..." I whispered so weakly that even I almost couldn't hear it. "If that's not the case, I won't keep you any longer, call me if you need anything."

Vernon hesitated a moment before he actually cut the call to ask a question which he decided not to ask, but I know exactly what he wanted to ask, and it was a question I myself was avoiding the whole moment.

Do I love Alexander Bilimoria? The very man I always believed to be the villain, the very man I thought to be the bringer of every destruction, the very man I thought was merciless, the very man I ought to break apart? Do I?

As they said in the songs, we never know how much someone means to us unless we're on the verge of losing them. When we spent days without talking to them, when we have something to tell them and they aren't there anymore. The accident of Alex made me realized something tragic.

The worst thing which could have happened, I may not want to accept it, but the moment I feared I'm losing him tells it all. It would be a foolish job to even try to persuade me otherwise from the fact that I was in love with the trouble maker I so dearly signed up to hurt. The truth was as hard as a slap across a face. It took Alex to almost loose his life for me to realize that I love him. The thought of losing him made every breath of mine wanting to stop, every desire to live ceased and just wanting to hold his hands again, or to be in his embrace again, or to feel his hands between the strand of my hairs again commenced.

I tried vainly to stop the emotions of longing for Alex because I'm afraid if I continue to feel them longer, I won't be able to bear it, the emotions will be like a wave sucking me under. There was nothing I want in the world more than to love him just as he deserved right now, to be always there for him when he needed a shoulder to fall asleep to, or to cry to or to hold on to, to always listen whatever he had to say in the middle of the night because he can't fall asleep, but wanting nothing but to love him like that felt wrong.

"Ann, Alex's awake." Ash stormed into the corridor with a big smile on her face. I quickly look at her and as I heard the words that left her mouth, I thought my heart had dropped. "He's fine." Her smile grew bigger as tears formed in my eyes.