Method Acting || Joe Keery

F I F T E E N

The car slows down as it pulls into the parking spot. I look out the window, we're at the lake.

"Are we going on the rowboat again?" I ask.

Joe turns off the car and raises his eyebrows as he touches his lips.

"Can you handle physical exercise right now?" Joe asks.

I shake my head. The tears have stopped, but I still feel so drained.

"I didn't think so. This was just the first place I thought of when I was thinking about where we could be alone together," Joe explains with a small smile.

The memory of our first time out together makes my heart swell and I smile, feeling happy for a moment. Guilt quickly rushes into my bloodstream. How can I be happy when my brother had just died last night?

Joe notices, and reaches over the gear stick to grab my hand. I sniff and look over at him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Joe asks me.

I shake my head.

"Not right now, I just want to sit in the quiet for a bit if that's okay," I tell him.

"Of course it is," Joe responds.

I look out the window, and I watch the ducks in the lake bob up and down as the water moves. I watch joggers run past, their hair damp with sweat and music blaring in their ears from their headphones. The world is still moving, even though mine has stopped.

I look down at Joes hand in mine, his thumb rubbing the back of my hand like I was doing to him when we were on set. I look over at him and he is looking at me, concern etched on his face.

"It was always my job to look after him, and I left him," I say quietly, almost not wanting Joe to hear what I said. To hear how selfish I'd been.

"Why was it your job?" Joe asks, the look on his face not changing.

"No one else understood him, no one else could get through to him," I explain.

"What happened?" Joe asks.

I realise I hadn't even told him how he'd died. I realise I'd never talked to him about my family before.

"He was an addict. He overdosed last night," I tell Joe. Tears stinging my eyes again.

Joe squeezes my hand.

"And you feel guilty?" He asks carefully.

I nod.

"I shouldn't have left him, he needed me," I struggle to get the words out. My throat burns as I try to swallow my tears.

"So why did you leave?" Joe asks me.

I look into his eyes. What must he think of me?

"My whole life was about him, about looking after him, making sure he'd stay sober. I wanted a chance to to live life for me," I say.

"You shouldn't feel guilty about that Charlee, you deserve to live your life," Joe says with a smile.

I shake my head.

"I didn't though did I? I locked myself up in the trailer, living through the words I wrote, instead of coming out and being with friends," I tell him.

I rest my head on the window and let the tears fall from my eyes. I left him by himself for this. It's my fault he's gone.

"Hey, stop it," Joe said.

I turn to look at him.

"Look at everything you've done. You were a writer for a successful tv show, now you're an actor on the same show. You have a whole group of friends you make time for who love you, you've changed so many peoples lives. You have lived Charlee, and he would be so proud of you for that," Joe says, squeezing my hand.