Loki's Savior ( loki fanfiction ) [ Lokixreader ]

chapter 16 : bitter truth

It feels weird to live in a world you're quite sure it's not real , that everything around you is only an illusion , all of the things that were so important , now you don't even feel they worth getting up of bed for ...
You breaths , your steps , your moments ... your everything isn't real ...

Your phone rang almost fifty times , you had no intentions on picking up , whatever it was , because in the end it wasn't really true ...

When you woke up Loki was gone , you found yourself alone in your bed again , you could still smell him on the pillow though , or was it just your mind playing tricks on you ?!

" are you not coming today ? " a message from Loki popped on your screen , you ignored it , put the phone down and got up of bed ...
For the first time you've felt lost , trapped and unable to know what to actually believe ...

There is some moments that you feel like the whole past things is just a creation of your head , that you're imagining everything , because in fact it seemed unreal , all of those memories , all of those times ... they seem hard to believe , what if you were only losing your mind ? what if you were having the same issue Loki is having ; imagining things that aren't real ...
You've never been this much overwhelmed , unable to tell what to believe or not , what to trust or not ...

You stand in front of the mirror , you stare at your reflection for a moment , as if you were trying to notice something , to witness something , but it all seemed normal ...
You check yourself , your face , your eyes , your arms ... you didn't look like a Goddess and you didn't feel like a Goddess ...

" look at you ! do you really believe that could be such thing ? that you could be a Goddess ?! " you said out loud making fun of your own thoughts ...

You spent the next three days hiding in your house , ignoring every social interaction , ignoring everyone ...
You waited for Loki to show up again , to give you some hope that somehow all what happened is true , that all of what he said actually happened , and that you haven't lost your sanity ...
He did not show up , not since that night , and now it's been four days since it happened , and it still no sign of him yet ...

Your heard your door's bell ringing , you got up and quickly went to open it ...
" it must be the pizza " you said smiling ...
It is true you are a little upset , having doubt that you are mentally unstable , and thinking that you are possibly living in a world that isn't real but your stomach had nothing to do with all that , plus there's nothing a good pizza can't fix ...
You opened the door to find Loki standing by the door ...
" oh ! you're not the pizza " you said disappointed and walked back inside ...
Loki followed you inside before he set in the living room with you ...
At that point you weren't certain what to say or how to act around him , plus you weren't sure which Loki he was , they pretty much look the same ...
When he finally spoke to you about missing work you knew which one he was ...
He said that everyone been asking about you , worried about you and that they miss you and that they need you there ...
" I need few days to clear my head , Loki "
" from what ? " he said before he moved of his chair and set next to you on the couch ...
" is it because of Strange and I ? " he asked holding your hand ...
" I ... I think I ..."
You mumbled not knowing what to say when your door rang again and saved you ...
you pulled away from him and went to bring it ...
" your friend Monica said she came to see you , knocked on your door and you didn't open for her , is that true ? " Loki asked watching eat ...
" like I said ... I needed to clear my head " you said while chewing ...
" you eat like babies " Loki said wiping food off your lips with his finger then licks it ...
He then leans to kiss you but you put your hand on his chest and stop him from getting closer ...
" Loki , I'm eating ! "
" I'm trying to eat too " he said holding your hand pulling it away ...
He grabs your face with his both hands , pulls you towards him and gently kissed you on the lips , small harmless kiss ...
" I've missed you " he said smiling ...
You couldn't help but to feel something , his kiss , his touch , if he's truly an illusion then why he feels so real ...
" is everything okay with you ? " he asked as he gently placed his hand on your forehead ...
" I'm not sick , Loki ... I'm ... " for a moment you thought about telling him everything , but other Loki's voice kept repeating in your head ... " don't tell anyone , don't trust anyone , not even Loki "
" you're what ? " he asked looking into your eyes ...
You looked down , to the pizza box , trying to run from his looks ...
" tell me about the very first time you started imagining things that aren't real "
" you do not wish to know this ? " he said playing with your hair , rolling it around his finger ...
You looked into his eyes for a moment , they seemed a little sad ...
" fine ... tell me about your past then , i want to know more about , and your past "
Loki took a moment , as you both looked into each others eyes ...
" I never knew my parents , I lived in the orphanage until I was adopted by this really nice family , for a while I was happy , I had a father and a mother and an older brother , however my luck was hard and ... I lost them , all of them died in a car accident , I was the only one who survived from it "
" I'm sorry " you said looking down ...
" eventually I found myself on the streets , alone ... I made a new family for myself and another brother , Marcus ... that was his name " Loki said , his tone seemed different at the end of that sentence ...
" was ?! " you said checking his eyes , tears started to blur his vision , he tried to hold them , smiled , laughed before he broke down into tears ...