His Singularity

Chapter 31

Alaric's POV

Ace once said the cutest thing ever was the way Arya stuck out her tongue when she was concentrated on what she was reading.

I'll have to disagree. Nothing is cuter than a blushing Nebula. Or Nova-Cielle. I still need to get used to that.

To watch the most brazen and confident woman I know flustered and embarrassed is quite comical. But the way her cheeks very slightly turn pink and she squeezes her eyes before looking away is simply adorable.

I do not have the heart to tell her she got the endorphine names wrong. Not when she was so proud of herself. She was practically grinning like a pup.

She also loves to be praised. Duely noted.

Her expression changes and she takes a step back from me. Did I make her uncomfortable?

The inevitable happens and angry hurt takes over her face. That is an expression I am all too familiar with. It was only a matter of time.

"What did I do?" I always do something wrong.

She laughs further perplexing me. This laugh is different from her other laughs, it lacks that sparkle and mirth she always has.

Could it be a fake laugh? Did she misinterprate my question for an attempt at humour?

My head begins to ache again as I try to decipher her actions. I said or did something wrong, I just know I did. I always do.
This is why I shouldn't have had a paramour in the first place.

"You're a fucking asshole." How many times have I heard those words? Yet coming from her they feel like a punctured lung.

"I think it's best you leave."

"Why?" What am I missing?

"Get out! I'm done." Her voice is louder than usual and her muscles are tensing. I assume in anger.

"Done with?" The trial is not over yet, they might still call her back as a waitness. She cannot be done with that.

"You." Huh? "Us." She's done with me? With us? "With this mistake of a thread."

I should have known she was a witch. She ocassionally slips up and speaks like one. It seems so obvious now, how did I not piece it together?

"I'm not." I am not done with us.

"You can't be done with something you were never in in the first place!" She explodes then starts pacing.
"You have been hot and cold, in and out from the beginning! You pushed me away then kiss me, then tell me you don't have feelings for me, then spend the day with me, then sit back and let them treat me like scum, disrespect our bond in front of everyone, then save me from the witches only to command me into silence and leave me to rot in a fucking prison cell then these dungeons!" What dungeons?

"I'm tired of the bullshit, I'm tired of being treated like shit, I'm tired of it all." Her voice comes out weaker than I have ever heard it.

"Leave." The instruction is clear. I have heard it enough times. But for the first time in my life, I do not want to leave. Not when I can see the tears already pooling in those big beautiful eyes.

"I am not good at social interactions." I admit. I don't know why I'm saying it, I am sure she has pieced it together by now.
"But I am a damn good fighter. It's okay if you're tired, you have been fighting for a long time." To stay alive, to protect her brother, to protect so many others we failed to protect. She has even been fighting herself.
"You can rest, I'll take over the fight." I'll protect her.

"I have Valdus, I do not need you to fight for me." I ignore the emotions flaring up at her words.

"His mate will always be his first priority. You deserve to be someone's first priority too."

"I'm not yours either." She states. It is simply a fact. I do care about Nebu- Nova-Cielle, but she is not my first priority. I do not even think she is my second priority.

Too much. This is too much.

"Go away, Alaric. I don't need you." She turns to look away which I am grateful for. She doesn't see how much those words affect me.

Following her instruction, I turn around and leave. Only footsteps and voices and other unnecessary noises are searing my brain. I can hear the trial continuing in the court hall, I can hear people talking in the halls. I hear the sounds of brooms and running water, birds outside and fucking obnoxious laughter.

It's too much.

The crushing pain in my chest, the sounds of her soft cries. It's all too fucking much.

I run. I jump. I swim. I run. I climb. I stop.

The only sounds that I hear are my erratic heartbeat and the harsh wind up here.
I close my eyes and try to enjoy the peace.

It is just me up here with nothing but the sky above me.

The moon is visible and the sun is just beginning to set. A more artistic person would love the view of the sunset from up here. I, however, am more intrigued by the stars. I always have been.

At my loneliest times, it was their simple constant beauty that kept me company. I begin to calm down as the night sky takes over the heavens.

The moon calls out to me, coaxing the power buried within. My eyesight sharpens to extraordinary lengths and the wonders of the cosmos feel within my reach.

Who needs a telescope?

When my eyes land on the crab nebula, I pause.

Nalah called her a star. She was capable of generating her own magic, the witch explained that it was of a different quality. Could it be?

Nova-Cielle. The brightest star in the sky.
Nebula. The remainder of a dead star. Beautiful, but powerless.

Is that why everyone is so obsessed with her? Could she truly be...?

What is this ache?
I want to run back to her. I want to kiss the life out of her and hug her until her tears dry. I want to be her strength.

But I need to respect her wishes. She wanted me to leave. But does that mean that I can never kiss her again? That simply won't do.
I will never stop fighting for her, but I cannot stand the thought of her hating me. I cannot stand the idea of never being able to touch her again, to make her smile.
A lone tear slips down my cheek but freezes before it touches the ground.

Why is this so hard? Why does it feel so bad? I am used to people hating me, yet the thought of her being mad at me makes me want to rip my heart out of my thoracic cavity.

I wish they had taught me more about paramours. I wish I knew what is supposed to happen next. This is the second time my lack of knowledge comes back to bite me in the ass. Only this time, it is tearing me apart.

My eyes search until they find it. It's light beaming brightly, illuminating the darkness around it.

Wait a minute...

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Thoughts?