Questioning//BILLIE EILISH

14

I blush hard, "Oh goshh, Billie please come inside."

She chuckles, "Yes Ma'am," and follows me into the house.

We head straight upstairs to my bedroom, and Billie puts down her bag to fish out the things we need to get started.

"Yesterday," Billie starts, "We weren't very productive."

I hum.

"Let's try to stay on task today, yeah?" She requests, looking up at me with a smirk.

"Y-yes, Billie," I agree, looking down at my fingers and fiddling with them.

She chuckles, "That was very obedient of you."

I redden, "I- huh?"

The girl tilts her head to look me in the eye, "I was teasing you, Dez."

I look down again, laughing awkwardly, "Oh."

Billie puts her bag on the floor and pulls out the book, "So, let's compare some of Maddie's thoughts with mine, since a lot of them were the same."

"Good idea," I agree.

Billie flips to a page, seeming to know exactly what she's looking for, "Okay, she says here: 'I just want to be her friend.'"

My stomach drops.

"I thought this long before I discovered my sexuality, more when I was 10 or 11. I came out at 14."

"Oh," I say, the shakiness in my voice audible from just one syllable.

"Then she says," Billie drags out the word, flipping through a couple more pages, "somewhere in this chapter," she trails off again, flipping more pages as she searches, "Oh here: 'Why me? Why did it have to be me?'"

I just stare at her, not willing to speak, as she explains her thoughts on the passage, "For a while, I cursed myself for being gay, I wished I was like everyone else and thought the universe was cruel to me for no reason."

The edges of my mouth turn down slightly as I try to hold in tears. I look at Billie, her adorable face buried in the pages of her favorite book, and let out a sob. She immediately looks up in concern and I let out more sobs until I'm crying uncontrollably.

"Hey, hey, what's up?" she asks, taking the book off her lap and softly brushing my arm, "can I hug you?"

I nod, crying harder. She pulls me into a hug, draping my legs over her lap and tucking her chin into my hair, "Shh shh, It's okay, everything is okay."

"It's not!" I wail, in full breakdown mode.

"Oh Hunny," she consoles, "can you tell me what this is about? I can assure you it's okay," she rubs my back, "just breathe, we can figure it out."

I try to listen, taking in quick breaths until I'm able to slow down.

"Good job, Hun. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

I pull out of the hug, cheeks stained with tears, and look down at my lap. Billie takes my hands in hers as she awaits my words. I play with her fingers as I attempt to calm down and finally speak, "I," I pause, feeling the tears return, before breathing deeply and continuing, "I f-feel the s-same."