It Should Have Been Like This

Chapter Thirty-two: angry boyfriend

Lavender's viewpoint

   I stood over her grave, smiling warmly as tears rolled down my cheeks and into my collared neck. I was alone in the cemetery, wearing a amethyst winter flock coat with white double-breasted buttons and white wool layer at the hem of the sleeve and my collared neck. The bottom of the coat which stretched down and covered three third of my thighs, had a net layer underneath, a white one.

   I stood with a bouquet of her favorite flowers, blue daisies. She loved the flowers a lot because it matched her mother's eyes as she would always tell me. I had left Rominic in bed at a ungodly hour of the night and drove here, so I could talk to her. I just needed to.

   "Well, you'll probably be tired of me standing here and staring at you for minutes. I just don't know what's up. I'm so happy, Mom," I smiled, raising my eyes to the dark sky, "I'm so happy I can feel my chest bursting with emotions, good emotions. You know, I was so worried about Link two days ago, I was worried that he would kill himself which he almost did if the guys didn't get there on time. However, just last night, the investigator called and said things were looking up. According to him, he got a footage from the club they attended and it proved Link passed out after drinking. Polly drove the car, not Link. He got the information so fast and it makes me wonder who he really is, or maybe Polly did a messed up job at trying to cover up. I'm positive that in three days, we would have enough evidence to apprehend her, so I'm not worried. Tyra actually surprised him after I told her what was happening. I have no idea what she did, but when I called him hours ago, he sounded extremely happy about the surprise. Maybe it's sex, maybe she baked him his favorite cake or gave him one of her exclusive dance shows, or maybe it is all. I don't know and ever want to know. I'm just happy that they are okay."

   I lowered myself to a crouch, tapping the flowers in air. "You know, Rominic gave me back everything you worked for and in the next hours, I would be at my office again, this time, taking better care of my family legacy. I'm so happy, Mother, I can't wait. And then, Serenity is representing her school in the junior state national in swimming whatever she called it. Every school in the state for lower graders would be involve in a competition and the winner get a grand money price for their school and a scholarship to one swim camp, I don't know. I was too excited to listen. She lost me after she mentioned she was chosen and made the leader of the five students chosen along with her. I'm so proud of them, Mom," I wiped my tears with the back of my left hand that held the bouquet, only wiping one cheek messily, "they have made me so proud and happy. I remember the day you told me that I would fall in love and have my own children that would make me proud and glad I had kids. And I know you always told me that I make you very proud, but I never believed it and I still don't. I've done so many stupid things that makes me thing otherwise, but this time, I know that I am already improving and even if I'm not, I will get better and make you proud of me someday. Or maybe I just need to make myself worthy of your acknowledgement."

   I dropped the flowers on her grave. "You always told me that if I am scared, I should hold your hands. If I am weak, I can lean on you. If I am sad, I can count on you to be my ray of sunshine. If I am lonely, you will be my companion. If I am angry, you will be my tranquilizer and if I am confuse, you will be there to unconfuse me," I laughed, wiping my tears again. "Then, I used to think you were hella weird, the creepiest and coolest mom ever, but now I know you were just trying to be the best mother you could be. I know that if you were here, you would have been the best grandmother to my kids, and probably slap me when I make mistakes to get my brain functioning again. I miss you, Mom, really bad, and I'm scared. I don't know why I feel like this but I've decided to stop playing stupid and trust my instinct and ‘womanly six sense’ like you'll always call it. I don't know what is coming but I hope that you are watching me wherever you are and protecting me, because I need your protection more than anything else."