It Should Have Been Like This

Book Thirty-four: to be a mother again

Lavender's viewpoint

   Am I selfish? Am I not? Did I make the right decision? Or did I not? I knew what would happen a day before the competition, I knew through Zayne. He was unusually weak and quiet, and his skin was pale. I am their mother and I'd spent years watching over both of them specifically and observantly. I knew the symptoms that helped me know who would fall sick next or who is already sick. Zayne and Serenity had always been a means to know that.

   Whenever Zayne becomes quiet, weak and pale, it meant something was wrong with Serenity or something was going to be. If it was Zyaire, he grows sudden rash. If it was Sera, he reacts by being extraordinarily clingy to her, and for Zachary, he tends to puke a lot. Serenity also react with rashes when it is Zyaire, clingy to Zachary, catch a cold to Serafina and reacts the exact same way Zayne do to her. Sera only reacted to Zayne and Serenity which is always slight headache before she passes out.

   From the signs, I knew Serenity was not okay, but I thought she was probably going to have a fever, a simple fever. I could have stopped her, but I knew that if I did, she would never forgive me. To me, I concluded she would get treated. "It's just a simple fever," I said. Now a simple fever is the reason I was fidgeting at the edge of her hospital bed, looking at Rominic trying to explain to her that she can never be a professional swimmer or have anything to do with water. I chickened out on being the bringer of the bad news, so Rominic had to do it as the always calm one.

   Maybe if I forgot about her feelings and stopped her, it wouldn't have happened. But George said it would happen either way and my method was better because this way, she understood how dangerous swimming was to her health. But it didn't make shattering her dreams any better.

   "So what are you trying to say, Dad? I don't get you." Rominic glanced at me, and then sighed loudly.

   "Stop trying to pet her, Dad, and come out with the truth," Sera blunted out. Unlike the others, Sera was angry at Serenity for deliberately endangering her life, just so she could dive into the water and die. She was pissed that we weren't scolding her for being selfish and not thinking about herself and others. She was right, but she also needed to remember that Serene was softhearted. She was afraid of losing the one thing she loved most all-over again. I'm sure she thought that she could just win one time and then quit, so she could at least have a medal. Serenity didn't need to be yelled at, her dreams were about to be squashed.

   "Sera, don't..."

   "I've said it and I'm still saying it, I'll just tell you right to your stupid face, Serenity. Uncle George said you can never swim again because you just had to endanger your life!"

   "Sera!"

   "Way to hit the nail into the coffin, sis, nice job." Zyaire commented sarcastically.

   "What?" Sera snapped angrily, "am I suppose to lie and pet her? She wasn't thinking about her life when she decided to go on even when she knew she wasn't well! Did she... Serene, did you think for once what it would do to mom and dad if you die? For goodness sake! Zayne is like the other end of your string! Your side dies and his follows. She didn't think of me or him or mom or..."

   "Serafina, I said enough!" I yelled, making her pin her lips. "You are breaking your sister's heart, can't you see? Her dream is about to be taken away from her, take it easy on her!"

   "If it's so painful, she should get another dream because a dead body can never dream. I'm going home, this place reek of foolishness." I opened my mouth and closed it, unable to form words. I looked at Rominic for help but he scoffed. He might not say it out loud but he supported Sera and blamed me for not doing something if I knew it was going to happen. I didn't even know what to conclude about my decision, was I selfish or was I just being foolish?