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Chapter Thirty Eight Ezra Holmes
As I was staring at Raya’s sleeping form, her chest rising and falling slowly and her eyelids fluttering every so often, there was a million thoughts running through my mind all at once.
Like why the hell did she run after Winchester and why she looked so absolutely furious when she saw him at the museum? When she locked eyes with him in the museum, it looked like she was ready to shoot the guy in the forehead, and I had no fucking clue why she wanted to do that.
My head was pressed against the mattress of Raya’s bed. I was holding her hand with my one hand, while tapping the other one against my thigh repeatedly and without stopping. I don’t know why I thought that tapping my hand against my thigh would help to figure out why the hell Raya went after Winchester or why she looked ready to kill him on the spot, but I did it anyways.
It somehow helped me contain myself so that I didn’t barge into Winchester’s office and demanding some answers, but I couldn’t leave Raya’s side. I haven’t left her side since she has been stabbed with a machete, and I will not leave her side until she’s awake and talking again.
I feel someone placing their hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.
“You need to eat something, man.” Bear says. “It doesn’t have to be a lot, just eat something.”
My head felt heavy, I couldn’t lift it to look at him. “I’m not hungry.” I mutter into the mattress.
“I know you don’t want to leave her side,” Bear says, “but you gotta take a shower, man. You can’t be stinking when she wakes up. She’ll punch you in the face for it.”
Even though Bear was trying everything in his power to get me to smile, even after the beef we had for the last couple of weeks, I still couldn’t smile at his words. I wanted to, though. I wanted to think of something else other than the fact that I have been carrying this undeniable guilt that has been gnawing on my insides. I have been living amongst them, wanting to kill one of their own this entire time, and here he was, trying to get me to smile because he’s worried about me.
I finally lift my head to look at him, immediately feeling dizzy when I did. “I’ll give anything for her to punch me right now,” I tell him, feeling the corner of my lip lifting up in an attempt to smile, “I would deserve it.”
Bear smiles sadly at me. “She won’t punch you for saving her life.”
“I didn’t do anything.” I tell him. “Geoffrey’s doctor saved her life.”
“But you managed to stop the bleeding by putting a lot of pressure on her wound.” He says.
I shrug. “I should have gone after her immediately after she left.” I tell him. “She wouldn’t have slipped into a coma if I got to her soon enough. I should have stopped her… I should have—”
