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Chapter Forty Three Ezra Holmes, before he got recruited into the NC
I didn’t really know when I realized that I actually liked her. The thing I did realize, though, was that I couldn’t kill this girl. I couldn’t pull the trigger. I couldn’t follow Winchester’s orders. I couldn’t do what Winchester has asked of me, what he has demanded of me. I just couldn’t do it.
And when I realized I couldn’t pull the trigger, I was already in too deep with this girl. And I wasn’t just in too deep with this girl with the most beautiful smile and green eyes I have ever seen, but I was also in too deep with her gang… so much that they started to feel like a family.
I couldn’t just see this girl as one of my targets, because she was so much more, from the start.
She was the girl who had a gun pressed against my head. She was the girl who broke my nose with a fucking punching bag. She was the girl who spilt milk on my and wiped it away, while at the same time giving me the most innocent looking eyes I have ever seen in my entire life. She was also the girl who I carried on my back for almost an hour because both her feet was hurting.
Raya St Claire wasn’t just a contract to me anymore.
She was so much more than that.
It was those little things that made me realize that I couldn’t pull the trigger.
Because Raya St Claire was part of the gang I started to see as a family. She was the girl who asked me to kiss her when she was drunk, but I refused because I longed for her lips on mine, but only when she was sober so that she could remember the kiss, and that she should enjoy the kiss. She was the girl who came to me for help when Archie, the guy who was there the night her family was murdered, didn’t lift a single finger to help her find those men, and she trusted me.
She trusted me.
That night, after the club fiasco and she got hurt, made me realize that I never wanted to see her hurt ever again, and that I would kill every motherfucker who has ever harmed her in any way.
It made me realize that I never wanted to eliminate her like Winchester has demanded of me.
It made me want to work with her, and to protect her, and to stay by her side.
But there were consequences for the choices I have made. The choice I made. The choice I have made by not pulling the trigger when I had the chance to do so in the hallway the first week. The consequence being Winchester sending someone to stick my little sister’s fucking teddy bear onto one of the targets in the yard, by a fucking sharp pocket knife, and a motivational message.
