TIME AFTER TIME ; jjk

21

Chapter 21

JEON JUNGKOOK

The older I get, the more I realize life does not stop for any of us.

And so the days that followed after my unwarranted confession were mostly spent on things that distracted and kept me going. I wasn't just about to mope around and throw myself a pity party because I had convinced myself it was just a woman. I wasn't supposed to feel miserable over a rejection and yeah, it's just a woman who drove me insane for months and so what if she did not feel the same? But damn, I never expected that the pain was actually real. It hurts. That I'd experience this because just a few months ago I had faith that Soohyun and I would be good friends. And I was tripping myself if I actually believed that what I had told her wouldn't change anything. Of course it would. Soohyun would stand next to me and would feel like she was hardly even there.

I already beat myself up too much for insinuating the confession (it wouldn't have happened if I was smart enough to know where the line was drawn and if I didn't text her such an ambiguous question. Look where it brought us.) and I didn't need more of that. Her silence about the issue was a resounding answer – a polite rejection but that was to be expected. Again, she was off-limits. I had to thank her for not mentioning it ever.

I figured that Soohyun would be uncomfortable if we were left alone together; she wouldn't know what to say, so I made sure that whenever I interacted with her, Taehyung was around. I never wanted to see her show any sign of discomfort again. I was doing pretty good at it.

Days swiftly passed by until I was swamped with more work that sometimes I had to eat my lunch while standing or had to rush my break. I had to sleep in the hospital and work in Sunday's when we were short-staffed and when I was in my apartment, I spent my time there catching on some sleep. One morning, I woke up feeling kinda alright.

And yet after a long day, I'd wonder why I was not fully enjoying doing what I thought I love.

. . .

Jiwon was talking so fast. She sounded too excited about something that it made me feel terrible about not listening well. She said something about a wedding of a former classmate, didn't quite catch if it was a man or a woman, and then she showed me a variety of dresses, urging me to pick among them and tell which would suit her. I told her anything would look good on her, and that was me being honest, but my answer seemed to be not making her happy. "You're distracted."

"Yeah?"

"You're not listening to me, are you?"

"Well, I am, but I haven't had a good sleep these days so my brain isn't functioning properly. Sorry."

Concern crossed her eyes. She dropped her phone and leaned in to take a closer look of my face. "Are you overworking yourself? Do you need to take meds?"

"Uh, I worked overtime for three days but I'm taking care of myself. Just need more sleep."

"'Sure? I'm worried about you. You look pale." Her hand reached mine and squeezed gently. "I'll get you something to eat."

"Huh? Sure, but I'm feeling just fine, though. You don't have to."

"No buts."

A sudden thought passed my mind and I did not hold back. I had not meant to ruin the mood but it needed to be brought up. She wouldn't do it herself. "Jiwon, when will you introduce me to your father? This is taking us a little longer than I imagined. I'm sorry for asking," I said.

She retracted her hand and looked up, startled. "He's been busy," she answered. Same old excuse.

"He's always busy. I may sound rude but I am not benefitting from our deal—"