TIME AFTER TIME ; jjk

27

Chapter 27

PARK SOOHYUN'S POV

My hands were shaking as I typed my messages. After they had been sent, I let go of my phone, tears stinging my eyes. I wiped at them, telling myself I was done crying. The bed was strangely not enticing tonight, and even if I needed rest, I was finding it hard to fall asleep. My phone buzzed. I whipped my head to the side and stared at the device for the next few minutes, wondering if sharing my worries with someone who carried enough burden was a good idea. And maybe I was being too much again and silence could offer me much more. The full retrospect of the past weeks had been silently making its home in my chest and I was scared that they could stay there more than it should. I wish it was just a ghost I could walk right through, but a part of me was assuming that everything was an impulse decision and I was only being dramatic.

I proceeded to turn on my phone, reading the message that Jungkook left for me. Do you want to hear what I think?

I fixed my eyes on the phone screen. Was it needed? I usually turned to Jimin whenever I was feeling any sort of way, and suddenly, I was missing my brother's straightforward remarks, but I couldn't even call him because he had no idea about it.

I considered refusing, but what if Jungkook's opinion could have some truth to it?

I replied. Yes I think I need it.

Can I call? came another message.

"Hey," Jungkook said on the phone as soon as the call connected.

"Hi."

I could hear some ruffling before he began. "Uhm... I- this feels like I'm intruding, honestly... I don't know much about what you're going through but I know things are tough for you."

"Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's that much, but it feels really shitty..."

"I understand," he said, his voice low.

"I know that I did the right thing, but it feels off, you know? It's just so confusing."

"It must have been... hard for you to let go of someone you got dearly attached to and of course, love. It takes courage," Jungkook took a brief pause and sighed, "it must be an ugly feeling to break up, for you to be confused over it, but there must have also been a compelling reason for you to come up with that decision, right? It's impossible not to hurt, because you genuinely cherished him. And I'm not saying this to agree or disagree with your choice, I'm only saying that you acted based on your emotions, and I also think that it's normal to be conflicted whether you did the right thing or not, because it's happening now, right? You're in a current-moment version of it. Most things may not make sense now."

I made a faint sound of agreement. Jungkook might be right. Somewhat.

"I love him. And I thought, if I really do, I won't let go just yet? This is what worries me the most."

"But is it worth it?"

That caught me off guard. I parted my lips and shook my head as if he could see me. "I don't know."

"Give yourself more time to process everything. You know better than I do, of course... You're the one who knows him so only you can answer that. I just hope you'll find peace with it."

I had not responded anymore because it felt like there was something painful clogging my throat and if I spoke, it would hurt even more. Jungkook waited from the other end, until he told me I should rest and he would hang up.