TIME AFTER TIME ; jjk

36

Chapter 36

PARK SOOHYUN

In the drowsy cold of the first two hours of the night shift, I was sitting inside one of the coffee shops at the hospital, which countered the whole betterment thing I was initially going for: cutting down on caffeine. My fingers had been kind of shaky only fifteen minutes in, and I was feeling jittery all over. It always worked. Trying to stay awake and running through the entire time I needed to cover went along with cups of coffee I swore to get easy on.

I was considering calling Jungkook, all the while debating against it. I was always considering ringing up his phone, seeing him, hearing him talk, and it wouldn't hit me until after I'd done any of that. These days that he hadn't been around, it strangely unearthed a sense of fear – kinda dramatic, if you'd ask me– and an irrational consciousness of missing him a lot more than usual. It was stupid, but it wasn't something that I could just overlook. I had probably been spending too much time with him. I needed to work on that; do something else without him.

But maybe it was just the caffeine talking again.

We weren't spending too much time around each other, though. Just the casual phone calls, running into some hallways a few times in the midst of bustling activities, and after-hours eating. I loved doing those things. And I probably had to put a fraction of my focus into something else now that whenever we would part ways or Jungkook would leave and then I'd start feeling just a little empty or wistful afterwards. It wasn't nice. Jungkook would smile if I told him I was kind of missing him all the time but I was also hyper-aware that deep inside, I didn't want to be constantly grasping onto him, onto the emotion.

Putting the negativity aside, I was thinking that perhaps it was normal to feel that way when you're in a relationship where you care so much. You don't want to lose sight of that person. They bring out your vulnerable side.

But.

It still wasn't a nice feeling.

So, there I was, contemplating on my own, castigating myself that I didn't need to call Jungkook that night and maybe it would be best for me to just let my thoughts simmer down in my chest, or let them fade into oblivion. I put my phone flat down on the table, curled my fingers around the cup of warm coffee, and pulled the coat closer to me. I really needed to consume less coffee.

I flinched when I felt a pat on my shoulder. Looking at the owner of the hand, I forced myself to smile.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi."

"You don't mind me joining you here, right?"

I shook my head, still sporting a polite smile, hiding the fact that I was almost squirming in my seat and couldn't wait to get out of there. I didn't even know why I wanted to walk away from her. Jiwon seemed like a really nice person.

She sat across from me and set down her cup of coffee. "It's weird seeing you alone. You're always with your boys."

I let out a light chuckle. "We're not always together." But it made me wonder if the three of us made such a quick impression.

"Yeah, Taehyung passed out in the staff room with two others. He'll get off his shift in an hour."

"Ah... You don't have anything to do?"

"Slow hour. Jungkook, he's out for a conference?"

"Yes. It's been four days."

Jiwon chuckled. "You're keeping track?"