TIME AFTER TIME ; jjk

48

Chapter 48

PARK SOOHYUN

Standing and fidgeting at Jungkook's doorstep, I hesitated to push the button. I had the code to get into his place but I didn't want to allow myself in just in case I wasn't welcome. He was clearly upset about the situation, which he was very entitled to feel, and I wanted to make it up to him and know how to make it better as soon as I could despite my body desperately begging for a break. Guilt was a more malignant feeling, one that was harder to tear myself from.

I stared another moment down at my phone, the radio silence from Jungkook's end intensifying the fear rattling around in my chest. I'd kept texting him even before I went for a drive straight to his apartment, apologizing and reasoning out, but it was as if he had shut me down, deciding that me canceling on him without notice was unforgivable. That was admittedly a mistake on my part, and I also basically stood his parents up which had dread persistently chipping away at me. That wasn't how you'd ideally make a good impression.

After realizing that I was taking too long, I rang the bell, feeling all cold and sorry and scared. Sadness sat awfully in the pit of my stomach. I was a little nauseous with anxiety, too. I didn't have a clue how Jungkook was going to handle seeing me now that he was obviously making distance. He didn't want to see me. He didn't want to talk. We'd never had this happen before.

I pressed the bell again. He wasn't answering. Or he didn't want to. That thought alone made me feel like I was digging my way out of a hole, of something I made myself. When I was about to try ringing him again, the door made a chime sound and it clicked open. I winced in my spot, anticipating to see him, only to see the resigned look on his face. How could I even think that he'd be happy to have me at his door this time?

"I'm sorry–" he didn't let me finish, turning his back to me after letting me in. Another rush of panic ran through me as I followed him inside, not too sure how this was supposed to go, if my words would ever sound right, if my presence was even a good thing.

I kicked off my shoes and trailed behind Jungkook towards the kitchen with careful footsteps. He pulled the fridge door open, grabbed a small water bottle and leaned against the counter facing me, shifting his weight from his left foot to the right. I stood tensely in front of him, uncomfortable in my own skin. Jungkook was bent on not meeting my eyes, chugging his water down until it was half-empty. I bit the insides of my cheek. Awkward silence hung in the air between us.

My heart picked up when Jungkook made an effort to look at me. "You knew you were going to be busy but still made plans with me," he said flatly. I would do anything to read his mind, for his voice to have an emotion so I could figure out what he was actually feeling. His blank expression visibly gave him away, but it hurt more looking at him like this.

"It came unexpectedly. I swear I was going to leave but then the patient had a sudden cardiac arrest and I thought we would finish on time—trust me, I made time for this and tried my best to make it but—"

He nodded, face still stoic and impassive. "So you weren't sure you were going to make it on time but you couldn't tell me in advance."

"I got held up in the OR. What was I supposed to do?"

"You couldn't shoot a quick text or I don't know, maybe just tell someone to inform me you needed to cancel if you couldn't text me yourself?" he deadpanned.

"I–Jungkook, I'm really sorry. I know it's my fault, I didn't think of that. I was panicking at work. I couldn't just leave and let him die on my watch."

I must have said the wrong thing because his sternness was replaced by frustration. He furrowed his brows. Harshness tugged at the corners of his mouth. I wanted to erase his frown with my touch. "That's not—I'm not asking you to leave work for me. I obviously know what your job demands of you but we set this plan a week ago and it would've been nice if you were honest that you weren't sure if we could push it through. I have no problem with postponing it. You left me wondering how you were, if you weren't ready enough to meet my parents. I was worried that something bad happened to you while you were on your way, until I called the hospital and knew you were in the OR."