TIME AFTER TIME ; jjk

31

Chapter 31

PARK SOOHYUN

Jimin was clearly curious, but I was grateful he did not ask like I expected. There were probably crazy ideas in his head that he wanted me to hear but it seemed that he cast them aside and left me alone. I didn't know how to explain everything, the complexity of the situation, or it could be me trying to complicate things. It just didn't feel like the right time yet.

I was certain I was attracted to Jungkook again.

Again.

I didn't know what had changed that I was considering to try this with him for the second time although I swore the attraction phase that revolves around Jungkook was over and should not be initiated again, but this time it felt like I needed to give it another chance. I'd never really known that much about him, given that I was once crazy about this idea of us being together, and at one point I wanted him to be the only guy I'd desire in life, but putting reality above this, I didn't know him.

He was good-looking, brilliant, and he worked really hard for anything he had, and I liked him then for all those reasons, but that was all that. Beyond those things that others wouldn't care about were a mere mystery to me, and I was afraid that if I knew more, that if I cared enough to learn about even the most mundane thing and part about Jungkook, I'd realize I never really liked him in that sense at all.

And if I actually wanted to give myself another moment of sticking around with him, more than friends, I wanted it to last for a long while. Which, of course, was a huge uncertainty. I had learned it from my relationship with Namjoon, and I knew he and Jungkook were two different people, and yet it scared me a little that something would suddenly come to break us apart, or make us hate each other, and I couldn't really see myself disliking Jungkook for any reason. I hadn't thought of these things before, and all of the moments I spent longing for him were based on my emotions and the fantasies that one day he'd like me for who I was and we'd hit it off if we gave it a shot. But it never happened because for one, I didn't seem to be his type when we first interacted, and he hated the way I talked or imposed myself. He asked what was there in me to like, and even if I wasn't easily swayed by terrible opinions about me, what he thought of who I was then was something I valued that it actually crushed a bit of my confidence. It wasn't his fault. I knew I made him think that way, and I felt guilty that I had not handled his rejection well, crossing a lot of boundaries Jungkook protected so much. Everything in his life was too personal to Jungkook, and there was so much vulnerability surrounding him that it was terrifying to dive into a relationship without being strong enough for him. I hated to be the one to ruin his peace.

Maybe I was overthinking. Or being ridiculous for thinking far too ahead even if nothing was going on between us yet. But Jungkook, I had eventually discovered, was nothing like my ideal guy, and if we were to be together, I wouldn't know how to control the things which were way different from what I had already imagined.

With Jungkook, I adored the quiet moments, and there were seconds he'd stare at me and I didn't think he realized it, but certainly even if his words could extend comfort to me, crossing them out of the situation still wouldn't feel as awkward and dull as what would usually be felt around other people.

We were walking side by side down the hallways of the hospital with cup of coffee in our hands as Jungkook started, "I know you're not trying to rush things, and I don't expect you to agree, of course you can say no, not a big deal, but I haven't really asked you out on a date—"

I smiled, raising a brow. The idea stirred excitement in me. "Date?" We passed by nurses we knew and we said our greetings.

Jungkook looked away as he slipped a hand into the front pocket of his jacket. Both of us were dressed warmly. "Uh, yeah, date, as in just the two of us going out together, doing something fun."