Disillusioned

Chapter Thirty-Five - Riya's POV

I pace backwards and forwards. I look around me. I am by myself in a white room. Constantly wishing I could of changed some things that have happened in my life, but I know I can’t. I wish I could of changed what happened one week ago today, but I know that no one could have. Not even god himself. Tyler died a week ago, in my arms out the front of the hospital. Today is his funeral. Tyler had a heart condition from when he was born, there was no way of knowing that last week would have been his last day with us, his family and his friends. I pace myself faster around the room looking for the words to say. The service for Tyler’s funeral starts soon and I want to say something beautiful and something that everyone there would remember, mostly I want everyone to remember Tyler. It wasn’t his time yet. My thoughts are all over the place I can’t focus on one thing at a time, I blame everyone else for Tyler’s death but at the end of the day it wasn’t anyone else’s fault, it was fate and I wish with all the power in the world I could have changed it but I can’t.

“Riya” Miranda says.

I jolt my body around shocked by mum sneaking in and seeing me.

“Are you going to be able to do this?” Miranda asks.

I look at my mother she looks drained. She has lost her son and is loosing her husband. I am all that she really has left in this world and I hope to god that is enough because I need her just as much as she needs me. I stare at her for a few more seconds thinking of what to say.

“I will be able to” I say.

Mum starts to cry. I run over to her and comfort her. There is nothing I can do or no one I can threaten to fix everyone’s pain. Tyler would not have wanted all of us to be sad but how the hell are you supposed to be when your son, brother or friend died at such a young age.

“We will get through this mum I promise,” I say.

“Thank you Riya” Miranda says, “Please come out soon the service starts in ten minutes”

“I will,” I say.

Mum walks out of the room. Great ten minutes to think of what to say. I whip the tears from my face. They haven’t stopped since last week and I am not sure how long it will be before there isn’t a day I won’t be crying. I don’t know how the hell I am supposed to face everyone outside.

I walk up to the door take a deep breathe in and walk out. I walk past family and friends. I smile as I walk towards my seat next to my mother. I look around and see a massive turn out of people. Tyler is loved by a lot of people. I sit next to mum and hold her hand. I don’t normally make any body contact with anyone but today is a different story. I need mum to help me get through this and she needs me too. A man walks up to the podium and quiets everyone in room down. I start to feel dizzy because I know I will have to walk on stage and speak. The first half an hour of the service went extremely quickly, I feel like I just blinked and all of a sudden I will have to say some things on stage.

“I would like to ask for Tyler’s sister Riya to come up and say a few words” The speaker says.

I stand up. I feel the butterflies in my stomach but it also feels like someone is stabbing me in there also. I haven’t eaten properly since Tyler died so that’s most probably why. I walk up the steps towards the microphone. I am so nervous I could the steps as I walk up. One, Two, Three, Four.