Unsaid

Wonder

I spend a lot of time wondering about what you're up to these days. If you still have the same favorite song or if you still have trouble holding a grudge even when you're really mad at someone. I wonder who you talk to now that I'm gone and if it still hurts that I left you in the first place. I cared about you so much but things just never felt quite right.

I wonder if you think about me anymore or if I'm just some forgotten name wandering the pathways of your mind. I know that what we had was special, a connection that not many people get to have with someone. When I broke things off with you I can honestly say that it hurt. I felt guilty and regretful and a few times I found myself on the verge of crawling back to you. But I knew it would be better for the both of us.

I wonder if you've completely recovered, because I know that I haven't. I wish I still got the late night texts from you and I could still look at a picture of you without a sick feeling make my stomach turn. You meant the world to me and to know that I was the one who destroyed that world hurts so much.

I wonder if we'll ever be the same.

I wonder if you would ever want things to go back to the way they once were.

I wonder if you found it easy to replace me.

I wonder what your opinion of me is now.

I wonder if I'm wasting my time with all of my questions.

I wonder if I have fully recovered yet, because sometimes I feel that I haven't. I still try to keep tabs on you and make sure that everything in your life is going fine and that you are alright. Whenever I pass you in the hall I look away and hope you won't notice my sudden embarrassment. I thought I meant the world to you but it hurts to I wonder if you ever felt that way at all.

I wonder if I'm stupid for spending my time thinking about you when you most likely have already moved on to someone else. I thought we had something special, and when I finally decided my only choice was to break things off it hurt like heck. The guilt and regret haunt me to this day. But when I stop and think I wonder if us parting ways really helped either of us.

I spend a lot of time trying to decided what I like and who I am. I'm not sure I can choose just one favorite song or if I was ever really upset with you. I wonder who I'll talk to about music and life now that you're gone. I can no longer make any decisions and I miss having your input on the pointless topics I constantly worry about. I had really cared about you so much and since we went our separate ways things haven't been quite right.

...

While writing this poem I had a lot of people in mind which I won't name. Personally, I'm shy and it takes a lot for me to be comfortable around someone. And once we're friends, something just clicks. So with some of the people I've left behind in my life I wish that I didn't still feel so connected too, but I do. I wish that I could let go but I can't. The sad truth is that it's even harder to let someone back in.