Unsaid

Patience

I never expected that someone could make me feel so happy after feeling so terrible.
He was the one who I could rant to without ever feeling like I was getting on his nerves.
He was the one who would make me laugh as his sarcastic remarks as the banter followed easily behind.
He was the one who I didn't mind biking ten miles to see, even when I was already exhausted.

Everything with him is different.

His touch alone sends chills through my whole body, and when his hand holds on to mine I feel safer than I ever have before.

His smile effects me instantly and I feel my own face light up as if the emotion of happiness is suddenly embodied within me.

His voice, constantly making sarcastic remarks, sounds like music playing a melody that soothes me at my moments of panic.

Everything with him is the same.

It's how a relationship should be. One where I can meet his parents and relatives. One where we don't have to worry about being caught at any moment in time. One where we don't have to worry about conflicting interests. One where everything isn't a secret.

He has erased the memory of a boy who broke my trust in the world. He has comforted me when wondering if it's okay for me to open myself up again. He has been there for me in the right ways. He has recognized me for more than my body. He has treated me like a person.

But this has posed new fears for me.

I'm afraid to rush into a relationship again. I'm afraid to let my walls down. I'm afraid to trust people who don't deserve to know the darkest parts of me. I'm afraid that my feelings are fake. I'm afraid my feelings are too real. I'm afraid I'm overthinking everything.

But for now, I will take time.

I will wait and see where things go.

I will be careful.

I will be patient.