Not Me

CHAPTER NINE

If I woke up surprised that someone gave me a rose, the person I saw when I went to the lobby surprised me even more.

"Did you..." I can't even ask directly. Baka kasi tawanan niya ako that someone gave me a rose kung hindi naman pala siya ang tao sa likod nito.

"May ibang tao pa ba rito?" He asked which confirmed that he really did that.

"Bakit?" Nagtataka kong tanong. I don't see any reason for him to give me a rose lalo pa't wala naman akong sakit.

"I just want to." Sagot nito na parang wala lang ang ginawa niya.

"Then stop. Akala ko ba malinaw na?" I asked.

Ayaw ko na sanang alalahanin. I don't even want to take it against him but him doing this again makes me go back to square one.

"Xander..." he stopped upon realizing what he just called me. "Eli, I told you how much I want this."

"Lij." I corrected him. "What was my answer again? No." I reminded him.

But of course, he would insist.

"Alam mo, okay na sana ako. I already accepted your no. Pero hindi mo ba ramdam? Destiny na 'yung nagdikta sa atin. Kasi imagine - I never told you where I want to go. Everyone knows that you would go to UK. Kung pipilitin kong makasama ka, pwede naman sana talaga kitang samahan doon. But no. I chose to study here and you chose to be here as well. Ano kayang pwedeng paliwanag doon?" Just like always, he insisted hard.

"That we both wanted to be here. Hindi na kailangan ng paliwanag noon, Jacob." I answered coldly.

"No. Hindi mo nagegets." He pushed harder.

"Kahit anong destiny pa 'yang panghawakan mo, I'd still say no." Mariin kong sabi para maramdaman niyang kahit anong pilit niya, pareho lang ang isasagot ko.

"I can't understand you." He uttered. Kita sa mga mata niyang nalungkot siya sa naging daloy ng usapan namin. "You told me that you like me... Well, at least before. We were good, right? We were doing okay even if it was subtle. Then, you changed your mind kasi sabi mo, hindi pwede. Hindi mo kayang ipaalam sa pamilya mo. I was willing to settle, Xander. Kahit patago, basta ikaw. But you chose to end us."

Pakiramdam ko, isinusumbat niya sa akin lahat ng nangyari noon and I can't help but to be hurt as well.

"There was never an us, Jake. There was nothing to end." I answered simply. I don't want to go into details because I know that I might break.

"Wow." Hindi makapaniwalang sabi nito. "So, wala lang lahat ng 'yon sa 'yo?"

I didn't want to answer. Kasi sa totoo lang, it meant everything to me. Heck, it meant the world to me.

Gusto kong ibalik sa kanya ang tinanong niya pero hindi ko ginawa. I might be the one who ended what we had but it was him who did.

It was my world back then and he made me feel like it was just nothing to him.

I smiled instead of answering him. Binalik ko rin sa kanya ang rosas na binigay niya bago tumalikod.