Not Me

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

I don't know why sending this message crossed my mind in the first place. Should I not? Hindi ko rin alam.

Kanina, I felt bullied. Hindi naman malala but it was traumatic. Pakiramdam ko, hindi na ako bibili uli kapag nandyan sya sa paligid kasi I have this feeling that he will take every chance he gets para awayin ako.

I don't get it. Wala naman akong ginawang masama sa kanya aside from our restroom encounter na hindi naman talaga masama ginawa ko. Ganoon ba talaga siya kagalit sa pamilya namin na ganoon na lang bigla ang trato niya sa akin upon finding out my identity?

Our aunt already warned me. Sabi niya, I will encounter people with too much hatred on our family kasi ganoon kadumi ang pulitika. Turns out, she's right. But still, I don't get it.

Tayo ngang magkalaban talaga ang pamilya sa pulitika, never naging ganito. Or maybe, you really are just different.

Alam mo, I wrote this mail para magrant but here I am, missing you kasi hindi ka naman naging ganon sa akin.

If only people treats politics the way it is and not too personally.

I sent the email to Jacob's inactive mail. Ever since we broke up, doon ko na talaga sinesend ang mga gusto kong sabihin sa kanya. I don't know. Ayaw kong kimkimin lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sa kanya pero ayaw ko rin namang kausapin siya. The best way I thought was sending him everything through email that he will never read and honestly, it worked.

But I guess, all these unread emails are the reason why until now, I'm still sending these messages... kasi kahit kailan, hindi naman niya nasagot o masasagot.

"Nagdinner ka na?" Tonton asked.

"Hindi pa. Ikaw ba?" I asked back.

"Tara! Ngayon na lang ulit tayo kakain nang sabay." He invited me.

There, I remembered na halos hindi na nga kami nakakapag-usap masyado dahil lagi siyang late nakakauwi at ako naman, laging kasama si Val.

"Can I invite someone? Taga dito lang din kasi siya." I asked before we leave. Baka kasi magulat si Val na kumain ako nang hindi siya niyayaya after nights of eating together.

"Sure. I won't mind naman."

I immediately informed Val na kakain kami kasama ng roommate ko. Mabilis din naman siyang nagreply and good thing na ready na rin siyang umalis despite this being earlier than our usual dinner time.

Sabagay. Wala rin naman kasi kaming ibang kailangang gawin ngayon kaya paniguradong nakahiga lang siya sa kama.

As I was locking the door, my phone rang which made me stop for a while.

It's my Dad.

"Mauna ka na lang sa lobby. Sunod ako. I have to take this call." I told Tonton as he is already waiting for the elevator.

Aatras sana siya para balikan ako but the elevator's door opened. "Sige na. Una ka na sa lobby." I repeated.

I picked up the call and went back inside our unit dahil baka may makarinig sa akin.

"Are you busy? Can we talk now?"