Not Me

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

I wanted to disappear. Nakakaoverthink na may nakakakilala pala sa akin sa college and worse, kaklase ko pa. A social butterfly na halos lahat, kaibigan. I can't help but think na baka lahat ng kaklase namin, alam na pala dahil sinabi niya na.

"Okay ka lang?" Bulong ni Val. Iba na yata ang hitsura ko kaya napatanong na siya.

"Medyo traumatized lang sa quiz." I answered. Sa totoo lang, wala naman akong naging problema sa quiz dahil nakasagot naman ako. But I think that's a good lie because after all, I'm not expected to be great at Biology.

"Ang lala namang trauma niyan. Nabagok ka?" He asked sarcastically. "Spill the tea." He pushed harder. Alam niyang may mapipiga siya sa akin.

"T-e-a?" I jokingly answered. We had a brief second of silence dahil inabsorb pa yata niya ang joke kong 'yon.

"Natututo ka na, ha?" He laughed a little. "Pero ano nga? Affected ka pa rin ba sa rally kanina?"

Hindi ko alam ang isasagot. Hindi dahil hindi naman na 'yon ang nasa isip ko talaga pero kung tutuusin, 'yun naman ang puno't-dulo ng lahat.

"May makarinig sa 'yo." Paalala ko sa kanya. Delikado na. Alam na nga ni Symon, malalaman pa ng iba dahil sa ingay ni Val.

"Mamaya, ha? Kwento mo." Utos nito na para bang wala na akong ibang choice but to actually do it.

Biglang nagsalita si Symon. His voice automatically sends shivers to my bones. Parang kryptonite na kapag marinig ko, nanghihina ako.

"Nandyan na si sir!" He shouted. He usually does that dahil sa likod siya nakapwesto at kita niya kaagad sa salamin ng pinto kapag dumadaan ang professor namin - a sign for us to compose ourselves dahil magsisimula na ang klase.

Hindi ko na alam. Wala pa naman siyang ginagawa pero pakiramdam ko, para siyang kontrabida sa isang pelikula na sa bawat galaw niya, ikakapahamak ko.

Or maybe I'm overthinking. Baka naman hindi siya ganoon. But who knows? We barely talk. Minsan na nga lang magkausap, ganoon pa ang nangyari.

Nagsimula ang klase namin sa pagbalik nya ng mga tulang pinasa namin.

There, I confirmed.

Assessed by Jacob Suarez.

Sa klase pala nila Jacob pinabasa ang mga tula namin. Akala ko, dito-dito lang sa college namin. Makakaabot pa pala sa kanila.

"Great outputs. Sobrang expressive niyong magsulat. No wonder, students from Commerce were amazed by your pieces. Meron pa ngang isa dyan, artistically made and delivered which gave a lot of confusion when I read it in front of their class." Our professor continuously uttered. "Lij, would you mind explaining the narrative of your poem?"

All eyes immediately directed on me. Nararamdaman kong kahit hindi ko sila nakikita, nakatingin sila sa akin waiting for my response.

"Po?" I shyly responded.

"Go mo na!" Val whispered as if he's cheering for me.

"Your piece was metaphorically made pero nagkaroon siya ng impact sa nag-assess ng tula mo. I saw confusion, I saw pain somehow - ganoon ang naging impact niya. So tell us what does your poem really means? The open ender, the use of yellow - everything went well."

I took a deep breath before answering. Ang hirap kasi iba 'yung nararamdaman ko when I wrote that poem. I was mad. I was angry.

"That Rose is Yellow. Yellow signifies joy, light, happiness - that's what I, I mean my character, felt when they were together. Rose, I think, is the perfect symbolism of love and appreciation. They usually can be seen in red or in pink. But due to what happened between them, my character felt that what they had was fake - and suddenly, the color of joy, light, and happiness became the most perfect symbolism of inauthenticity."