Sex?

Chapter 43

I walk out of my classroom, on full alert now.

Seeing everyone around me, bodies zooming past me like blurred out orbs, I was high on vigilance.

My eyes were wide as I searched the hallway in front of me. It painted a spacious horizontal path that led to the big welcoming exit doors that banged together each time the crowd opened it.
My eyes scanning my sides for my locker, self consciously searching for Andrew and definitely avoiding anyone that might know me.

I finally found my locker. I feel like I'm sneaking around as I open the locker up, looking beyond me to spot anyone and then cautiously putting my coat and gloves on.

Closing the flushed out green door, I scan my surroundings once more, but everybody's too busy to take notice of my frantic state.

I continue walking with the wave of students minding their own business while I continue to keep a look out for anybody as I hide beneath my coat until I'm out the door.

The rush of students disperses and I'm hit by the solitude of a night in front of my school doors. The cold air brushing my skin, I stand there, bundled in my oversized coat.

Damn, it's cold.

I waited there awhile, expecting Andrew to show up. He doesn't.

Why am I not surprised?

And why did I expect him to come?

I begin to walk away, turning the corners away from the school grounds, my head low, staring at the cement floor instead of the moon overhead.

I see the peeks of fabric from my red scarf as I continue staring at the ground.

Why am I sulking around?

Why was I worried about having a project with Andrew, if anything, I should be happy that he didn't show up.

Ugh!

Why am I sulking?

I feel like crying at my crazy emotions.

Snapping out of my sadness and silent frustration, instead of crying in confusion, I begin to sing.

It's an unfamiliar feeling to burst into a song, but it feels natural. I don't know what song it is, it doesn't matter though.

I quickly begin to feel free. I'm just humming into the wind.

In my solitude, staring at the leafy ground, cement sidewalk with a mix of green and red nature that has fallen due to the autumn season, the wind carries out my voice as I sing.

I close my eyes, taking in the freezing chill the wind gives me.

My head high now, no longer sulking and no longer hesitant to see what's above as I see the dark sky looking back at me. I smile with my eyes closed as happiness and a sense of pride comes to me.

It's a feeling like when a beautiful upbeat song plays and you feel like you're free as you take in the world around you, except there is no music playing, instead it's simply in my head.

I feel like dancing out of nowhere. I guess that's what singing does to me.

"Oh, baby, I don't need a man," I begin to sing. It's not a specific song though, it's just me randomly saying stuff.

This makes me laugh for some reason, at my ridiculously, my unexpected happiness, me singing randomly and taking life so carefree now, at all of it.

I'm dancing and singing and it's freezing. I'm singing and dancing in the middle of the street, planting my feet on the black cement neighborhood street, leaving the sidewalk, saying goodbye to it and the expectation to always have to walk on it as the dark night stares back at this moment.