Sociopath (Ash Trilogy #1) ✔️

10

K I N G S T O N

Sienna has always looked at me with hate, but tonight it was different. 

I tossed the shitty shovel I had bought on the way here into my trunk, satisfied with where I buried the body. I don't regret killing him.

But I'm feeling something, and I don't know what it is. My heart feels heavy, maybe I'm having a heart attack. But when I could feel the emotion forming on my face, I knew it wasn't a heart attack.

I was fucking upset.

I got back in my car, even though I still haven't gone and gotten my license. I sped down the road, some other drivers honking at me and giving me dirty looks. This one mom driving rolled down her window and yelled at me, "Fuck you! Go to a racetrack if you want to drive like that!"

"Shut the fuck up, cunt," I yelled back.

Her jaw dropped as I sped in front of her. The reaction from her was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn't. The moon shined brightly in the sky through the clouds, but little to no stars were visible.

Sienna looked beautiful tonight.

I spent hours getting ready. I got her favorite flowers. I was going to take her somewhere beautiful tonight for her prom. But like usual, instead, tonight ended in bloodshed. 

My rolled-down window made the suit of my tux blow around, as well as my tie and hair. My grip got tighter on the steering wheel as I thought about tonight over and over again. 

I hit the steering wheel with the palm of my hand, swearing to myself. 

I parked my car on the side of the road abruptly. This road was quiet, not a single car driving on it. I walked along the sidewalk towards the bridge until I reached it. I jumped up on the edge of it, swinging my legs so that they were dangling down as I sat up.

I looked down at the overhead view. I was on a bridge above a busy highway, so dozens of cars drove from both directions. A gush of wind blew my hair and clothes, but I continued looking down at the view. 

A few people honked at me, probably thinking I was going to jump. I'm not going to jump - I love Sienna too much to die, even if she's mad at me. But I needed something to distract me from what my body shamefully wants to do.

Cry.

A lump formed in my throat, making me touch my adam's apple for a moment. I've never cried since I was a baby. I've seen people die, I've had people call me vicious things, I've been forced into a world of crime. And through that all, I've never shed a tear.

But I realize that tonight, I did the one thing in life that I never wanted to do.

I hurt Sienna.

My eyes burned as I listened to the sound of the wind and cars driving down below me. The tears dripped out of my eyes, running down my cheeks before hitting my pants. I wiped them away with my thumbs, sniffling and feeling shameful over the fact that I was crying.

What I want, is to make her happy. I always thought that I could do that. It's why I had a change of heart about the mafia, I knew if I began to run it then I'd have enough money for anything she could ever want. No matter what I had to do. No matter if it hurt me.

Her happiness was always my goal.

But tonight, I terrified her. 

I didn't even know that I could feel this way. I assumed I could never feel sad. Movies that I would watch with people that would make them sob, didn't make me feel anything.