Because You Love Me

11. Sirius Justice

The farther Sirius Black got away from the site of the funeral, the better he seemed to be able to breathe.  No matter how much it hurt him to be there without James and Liy, it hurt him even more to try and breathe without them.  It didn't seem fair he got to be there, alive and well, and they were both dead.  They would never be able to breathe again.  Worse, it was all his fault.  If only he hadn't made Peter the secret keeper instead of himself.  If only he hadn't changed anything, they might still be alive.  He knew Peter Pettigrew was weak.  They all did.  That's why he figured Voldemort wouldn't suspect him, but he had been fatally wrong.

Sirius had spent the duration of the day before and the majority of that terrible night looking for Peter, the friend he, James, and Lupin had nicknamed Wormtail.  When he first discovered James and Lily's bodies he thought the worst.  His first thought was Peter had betrayed them all.  That's why he flew off into a blind rage and didn't even check to see if Alaina was dead or not and left poor Harry there without protection.  Their deaths would have been on his head too if anything had happened to the two of them.  He supposed he did owe Severus Snape a thanks for that, but he was too proud to admit it.  The more he thought about it though as he searched for Peter, the less likely it seemed that he did betray him.  For one, he didn't have the guts.  It had to be something else.  He had convinced himself Voldemort killed Peter for information.  That's why he couldn't find him anywhere.  And it made sense.  Now all he had to do was find the proof.  He wouldn't stop searching until he did.

Sirius looked up at his surroundings.  He had been in a sort of a trance-like state since he left the funeral, and he hadn't really even been watching where he was going.  He was just walking.  He stopped short when he realized where he was.  He was standing in front of a water fountain.  The image of Lily and James dancing in a swirl of leaves caught in a gust of wind flashed in front of his mind's eye.  He remembered it like it was happening in front of him right at this moment.

The four of them had been out for a walk.  Sirus was holding Harry, playing with the little fellow.  Lily insisted they stop and rest.  Then James, the charming man he was, had taken her hands and started swaying with her.  Before he knew it, they were dancing.  Lily begged him to take a picture.  He didn't even remember why he had brought the camera.  He held Harry on one hip and tried to take the picture with the other.  He smiled at the memory.  Harry's hand had gotten in the way of the first one he snapped, because he kept trying to grab the camera out of Sirius's grasp.  He had finally gotten a good one of them though.  He made the developer make three copies.  He kept one, James and Lily got one, and he gave the other to Alaina to keep in her hospital room on his last trip to visit her before she was released.  When he got the chance he had to go back to Godric's Hollow and get James and Lily's copy so he could give it to Harry one day when he was older to remember them by.  His one and only godson was going to know how much his parents were in love and how much they loved him.

He walked on past the fountain, pushing his fallen comrades from his mind.  He needed to focus on finding Peter or his body, whichever he came upon.  It was all he had been able to think about since that night.  At this point he still didn't know what he was going to find.  Then suddenly something came to him.  There was one place he could look he hadn't been yet, somewhere that  was special to all of them, a place they cherished during their time at Hogwarts.  That was where he needed to go.  He made sure he was alone and then disapparated.

The little shack located on the outskirts of Hogsmeade Village was old and rickety, a few years older now than it had been since he was there last.  Sirius noticed right away.  Weather had eaten away at the wood outside.  Now standing at the base of the wooden staircase, he gazed up toward the small room at the top.  The door was closed.  He frowned. The door was never closed unless there was someone inside.  Of course, if someone had discovered the secret passage at Hogwarts to the shack, there might be someone in there now.  He and the other "Marauders", as they liked to call themselves, had come there on many occasions, mostly to keep Remus away from the other students.  Sirius and James called it Lupin's "little furry problem".