black coffee | remus lupin [2]

98. leaving a message

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

FOR SOME REASON, THE ARRIVAL OF THE MONTH OF MAY MADE EVERYTHING WORSE. It was  painful for Claudia to stay sane, and she felt as though she was constantly walking around with her head set on fire.

She was sure she was going insane. She couldn't do it any longer, missing Remus and her friends, along the endless searching without any result and getting through the sleepless nights that grew longer by each one.

So, when Claudia suddenly got to her feet in the middle of the night and left the tent where Regulus and Nicolas were sleeping, she actually didn't surprise herself. She knew that it was bound to happen at some point.

With her, she had a note. It was meant for Remus. She stuck it in the bottom of her bag, and felt her fingers brush against a different piece of paper in the process. She knew exactly what it was, so why she picked it up she didn't understand. She was sure that it was her conscience trying to tell her to turn around and not do what she was planning to do.

She unfolded the letter and read it again, for what felt like the millionth time.

Dear Claudia,

If you got this letter that means I'm gone. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that the cancer was back. It was quick. I am telling Remus the same day that I'm writing this. You've just left to go on your trip to America. I hope you've had a great time, my dear. And I'm sorry.

I've thought about writing this letter a lot. It didn't feel necessary before, but it does now. It's bad. But it doesn't hurt as much as it did the last time. I know you'll worry, but be sure that if I'm gone, I left without being in pain.

I want to thank you, sweet girl. You've made our lives better. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. The first time I saw you, you were just a little girl. But you were full of light and life, and as you dragged Remus away from us on the platform, making him smile more than I thought he even could, I was so badly wishing that you'd stick around. Years later, when he couldn't shut up about this girl that he'd started to find himself spending more time with, I thought the same thing.

I'm so glad you stuck around, Claudia. Even if it's always been hard for you. As his mum I owe you so much for what you've done for him. But I also want you to know that you've made my own life better. I don't think I've ever properly said that before, but it's true. You're the daughter I never had, and a friend I've valued dearly. I'm so sorry to leave you. But I know you'll be okay. You shouldn't have to be, but I have never met anyone as strong as you. Learning of what you've gone though in your short life has put everything into perspective. I am so proud of you, Claudia. Every once in a while someone comes into your life and reminds you that life really isn't that bad. You've been a person like that for me, Claudia.