Cupid Stupidity (Love Material Series #1)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I slowly opened my brown eyes. I woke up because of the rays of the sun that I forgot to lower by tying the curtain. Nakalimutan ko dahil sa naramdaman kong sakit at hirap. Nakatulog pala ako sa study table ko habang hawak hawak ko pa rin ang lalarawan na 'min ni Mama. I didn't even feel the pain in my body because the pain was still overwhelming. Maybe, I'm so numb that even my own body doesn't feel the pain anymore.

I got up to walk to the bed and I was still holding the picture of me and Mama. When I lay down, the pain and suffering from yesterday came back again. And that's when my liquid dripped from my eyes.

"Shain. . . anak, lagi mong t-tatandaan na mahal na mahal na mahal ka ni M-mama, okay?" sambit ni Mama.

Nakahiga ako sa pagitnang hita niya. Maraan niyang hinahaplos ang aking buhok.

"Mama, love-love ko po kayo!" Nakangiting kong ani.

Little by little, I began to cry again because my past kept coming back to me. Every time we are together. He was seen for almost a minute but all of that suddenly disappeared because of the nightmare incident.

Si Mama ang nagturo kung paano ako maging masaya. Si Mama nagturo kung paano magmahal na walang hinihintay ng kapalit. Si Mama ang nagturo kung paano ako maglakad noong bata pa ako. si Mama nagturo kung paano magsalita, kumain at minahal ako ng lubos na lubos. Si Mama ang lahat-lahat, pero nang dahil isang problema, napilitan siya magpakalayo-layo.

Nagpakalayo nga siya. . . pero hindi na siya muling makakabalik pa. Kailaman man.

Ang daya mo Mama!

I took a pillow to my side to cover my face so I wouldn't make any noise and to lean on and hug someone whenever I felt weak, whenever I remembered someone. Especially, that's where I pour out my anger, annoyance, and frustration. This pillow is a witness to everything I went through when Mama disappeared. Saksi siya sa lahat ng sakit na nadama ko noong mga panahon na wala akong makapitan, malapitan, at lalong lalo na walang akong mapagsabihan.

I can't share anyone what I've experienced in my life that I live, because my life is just like a cupid, looking to be loved, that can be matched by the fun and excitement I've experienced, and when I shoot I'm definitely mixed with pain, hardship, and tire of the future and longing for the loved one.

Walang kasiguruhan kung hanggang kailan akong magiging ganito.

When will I find happiness without expecting anything in return?

"Natatandaan mo ba sinabi ni Mama?" Mama asked.

Marahan akong tumangon at napatayo sa pagkakahiga ko sa pagitnang hita niya. "Kapag po hirap ka na. . . h'wag po ako maawa."

Ngumiti naman siya sa akin at hinalikan niya ako sa noo. Tumango naman ito at dahan dahan niya pinunasan pasikreto ang luhang lumabas sa kaniya. "Bunso, ano pa sabi ni Mama?"

Pumikit muna ako saglit at inaalala ko ang bawat detalye sinabi niya noon.

Minulat ko ang aking mata at nagbigay ako na mabigat na paghinga. "Kapag po nawala kayo, dapat hindi kita hahanapin. . ."

And that's when my crying started. It's still here in my mind. I was just a baby when Mom bought me those. Wala akong kamalay-malay na malalim din ang ibig sabihin nu'n.