Almost Cruel

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

It's scary to fall in love. But it's more than that if you know that you are, but refusing to accept it. You'll suffer. On your own. And I know for a fact that I will.

He lied. I know that for sure. Pero napagtanto kong isa lang iyon. I realized that he lied to protect our relationship just like how I did when Aga was trying to break it. At napagtanto ko... na nagtagumpay si Aga.

I learned the truth from him while he's hoping for us to happen. Aga and I didn't happen, but he still succeeded. He may not have me for him, at ganoon din ako kay Kai.

He lied once. Isang beses. To protect what we had because he's too scared to lose me. Like how scared I am to lose him.

He asked for forgiveness... and who am I to not accept that? Sino ako para hindi siya patawarin? I was too in love that when I knew that he lied, mas nauna ang takot at galit ko.

Oo at nagawa niya. Kung pagbibigyan ko siya ngayon ay maaring maulit lang. Pero... hindi ba't sabi ko na dapat ay nagtiwala siya saakin? Na aayusin namin ang kung meron kami basta lang ay umamin siya? At dapat ay ganoon din ang ginawa ko sakaniya? Still, would it not be the same pain if he chose to tell it to me? Or chose to just lie to not hurt me?

Maski sa kung anong dalawa, napagtanto kong ako lang din ang iniisip niya. Na ayaw niya akong mawala, tulad ng ayaw kong mawala siya saakin. Pero nangyari pa rin.

From: Kai

Got home safely. See you tomorrow, Jude. I love you.

He loves me... Even though I'm not perfect. I'm not perfect so I'm sure I will still make some mistakes. Kahit na ayoko. Mangyayari pa rin iyon dahil hindi nga ako perpekto. And someday... I will ask for his forgiveness, too. So, who am I to not accept his sincere apology?

Love is not perfect at all. We will make some mistakes and we're going to apologize, ask for their acceptance even if we'll still do that mistake because of our loved ones. Kasi nagmamahal tayo. At kahit anong pagsisisi, gagawin pa rin natin lalo na't kung para sakanila iyon. Lalo na't kung totoong mahal nga natin.

Someday, we will ask for their acceptance... and forgiveness. We will still commit some mistakes, maybe not today, tomorrow, or the next day. Pero darating pa rin ang araw na hihingi tayo ng tawad dahil hindi natin kontrolado ang damdamin nila. Hindi natin pwedeng sabihin na huwag silang masaktan o magalit kung iyon nga ang nararamdaman nila.

Someday, we might hurt them unintentionally, to be able to protect and keep them. And you can also forgive people without the need to say it. You can forgive but you cannot forget. At hindi mo naman kailangang sabihin 'yon all the time. But in our case, I have to say it. I want to forgive him. Iyon ang pagkakaintindi ko. Iyon ang pananaw ko.

I slept with that thought. Mahimbing naman ang tulog ko lalo na't wala akong pasok kinabukasan. Maayos akong nakapag-isip at hindi basta basta ang ginawang desisyon na susubok ulit.

Now that I'm looking back, na nandito na siya sa harapan ko ay mas nakumbinsi ako sa totoong nararamdaman.

I woke up around seven in the morning to jog around our area. Kung may time ako para mag jogging ay ginagawa ko talaga. Madalas kasing pagod at puyat sa duty. Ayoko namang makulong lang dito sa apartment.

I wore my white sports bra, leggings, and rubber shoes. One hour jog lang paikot bago dumiretso sa isang coffee shop para sa breakfast.

"The usual." Tipid kong saad. I waited for my order then proceeded to my table.

Inilabas ko ang phone ko at tinignan ang ilang mensaheng naroon.

From: Kai

Good morning! What's your plan for today? See you later.