The bad guys: what if mr. Wolf kidnapped a baby

Chapter 1

The diner was quieter than usual, considering there should have been the afternoon rush.

As always, Wolf and his buddy, Snake, had gotten their favorite table--the very best window booth--and the service was quick.

Maybe even quicker than usual. They were just finishing up their meal, noisily chomping and slurping the very last dregs of their food and coffee, while debating an ever-important topic of conversation that came around exactly once each year: Snake's birthday.

"Stop," Snake insisted.

"I'll stop asking about it if you just explain it to me."

Snake glared at his friend across the table.

What he wanted was to grab a nice, wiggly, rodent dessert and get back to his favorite subject: their next Bad Guy heist. There was nothing he loved as much as stealing stuff.

"Would you please drop it?"

"Alright alright fine fine Consider it dropped," Wolf said, holding up his hands in
surrender.

"It's dropped." He gestured to the floor
and said, "It's on the ground."

He looked at his plate, trying hard to let it go. But he just couldn't understand Snake's
reluctance to talk about his big day. Birthdays meant attention, presents, friends, and all kinds of other fun stuff.

He snuck a peek at his pal and cried out, "But come on!

"Ugh" snake groaned in annoyance.

Everybody loves birthdays. You've got decorations, balloons, parties .. and CAKE."

He smiled his most charming smile, but it wasn't enough to crack through his grouchy pal's sour expression.

Snake hissed. "Look I don't need presents, I don't want decorations, and I'm not a cake guy." He gazed out the window, watching as people hustled to work and out for coffee meetings. Across the street was Snake's favorite view: the "Big Bank."

which was also known as "The Bad Guys' Next
Target.

If there was one thing that could cheer him up, it was the prospect of stealing stuff.

But Wolf didn't want to talk about that--his mind was stuck on one thing, and one thing only.

"Seriously, though," he persisted. "You don't like cake? Name one food better than cake.

"Guinea pig," Snake replied, then he smiled as he thought of something better than a Guinea pig.

"Or better yet a baby kitten" without even having to think about it. There was just something about swallowing down small innocent helpless defenseless cute animals that made him feel so, so good.

Wolf collapsed back against the booth. "Again with the guinea pigs! C'mon! I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig."

"Wrong," Snake snapped back. "Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air." He stuck his tongue out, letting his forked, air-tasting tongue does its job.

"Air?" Wolf asked, laughing.

"Yes, air," Snake said haughtily. He stuck his tongue out again. "Mmm, nice!" But with another flick of his tongue.

"I don't know," Wolf said, draping one furry arm up and over the back of the booth. "There a little-uh-there a little, uh, cute for my taste."

"That's what makes them so delicious!" Snake said. "You're not just eating food, you're eating pure goodness. It's not about the pig, it's about what it symbolizes on a deeper level!"

"But a baby kitten seriously," he asked disgustedly.

"I mean that's just sick man," he asked again.

"What I've always wanted to try one," he says in exhilaration.

"I always wondered what they taste like" he licks his lips, Wolf nodded slowly, clearly considering this argument.

"So... you can taste air?"

Snake rolled his eyes. "Ugh"

"What else you got?"

"forget about it."

Wolf looked excited about his new information.

It is always nice, he thought, to get to know my buddy on a deeper level. That's what friendship was all about.

"Can you also hear color? Can you see sound?" He leaned forward, his paws on the table.

"Ok"

"Cause we should really be capitalizing on these skills."

"Ok alright," snake said in an annoyed tone.

Snake drooped in the booth, waiting for his friend's enthusiasm to run its course. "Fine," he said dryly.

"Get it all out-get it all out now."

"Ok" wolf chuckles

Just then, Snake coughed, and an alarm clock came tumbling out of his mouth.

Tick
Tock
Tick
tock

"Look at that four pm. Now I know the exact
moment our friendship died."

Wolf laughed.

"Let's bounce."

"Yep"

He swallowed the alarm clock back down again.

As they pushed their plates and coffee cups away, and got out of the booth.

"It tastes like ... like you're going to stick me with the bill. Again."

Snake smirked, "Well, it is my birthday."

"So now you play the birthday card," Wolf said, chuckling. "That's interesting."

Wolf laughed.

While they waited for the waitress to swing past, Wolf flashed a charismatic smile out into the restaurant--but then realized there was no one smiling back.

In fact, there was no one sitting at any of the other tables, and none of the waitstaff were in the restaurant. It was like a ghost town.

Wolf  placed his hands behind the counter to see if anyone was at the cash register.

"Can we get the check when we get the chance please"

Hello?" "checkity-check?" No one moved a muscle.

"You know what?" Wolf called out to whoever was listening. "We're just gonna leave the money here ok" He counted out a few bills and slipped them onto the table.

"You know the one good thing about this place" Snake asked as they stood up and started to head for the door.

"What?"

"We never have to wait for a table."

"Isn't that every place?" Wolf reminded him.

Snake turned to a group of customers who were cowering in a corner; hoping not to be noticed. He tipped his chin and said, "Hey, man, how have you been? I haven't seen you in- Then, for good measure, he hissed, "Snake attack!"

Doing that always gave him a laugh. Before they got to the door, Everyone scrambled to hide deeper in the shadows, shaking with fear.

"Ooh!" Snake whooped as they passed the front register.

"Mints!" He swallowed the whole thing down, including the bowl.

"Sorry, folks," Wolf called out to the other restaurant patrons, trying to make nice. They were criminals, the Bad Guys, but that didn't mean they had to be bad guys. "I'm switching him to decaf."

Snake slithered to the door and pushed it open, exiting into the busy afternoon.

"Alright," he called over his shoulder.

"Let's do this." They both said as the two exited the dinner.

Snake could pretend to be a grouch, but Wolf knew there was a soft underbelly on him somewhere.